Big Eliot

Why do gays always have money?

Yesterday, one foòlìsh girl told him that he didn't need a girlfriend because he needed someone to assist him in washing his clothes. The same girls will need a boyfriend or husband if they want to escape poverty. I saw her tweet, and I laughed. Today, I decided to make sure he

What year did you get your first banger tweet ?

My Girlfriend Requirements – If You Want To Bag Me *Before you even type “Hey baby”, read this handbook: 1. *First of all, MY CAR* - You’re not dragging my steering. But if I say “let’s go out”, you better be ready. No “I dey tired” when my car don full tank. 2. *Preferred allowance is compulsory* - Monthly o. For my peace, my football subscriptions, my boys’ hangouts. It’s called “make I no go reason outside” allowance. 3. *My barbie money* - Yes, guys get barbing too. Fresh cut every week, dreads retwist, treatment – you’re sponsoring. Don’t ask “you just cut last week?” 4. *All date bills are on you* - If you say “come out”, your account must be loaded. I’ll show up looking fresh, you’ll handle the rest. Simple math. 5. *I’m very clingy – deal with it* - Good morning text, lunch text, “have you eaten?” video call. If you disappear for 3 hours, problem dey. 6. *Data subscription is your duty* - My YouTube, my football highlights, my Twitter/X banter – keep me online. No “use WiFi” talk. 7. *Upgrading of phone when due* - If iPhone 16 Pro Max drops and I’m still on Android, you’re failing. Upgrade me like NEPA bill – promptly. 8. *Taking proper care of me* - Cook, wash, massage, hype me when I’m down, pray for me when I’m up. Soft landing or nothing. 9. *Outing is mandatory* - We dey go out! Lounge, suya spot, cinema, watch match for bar – if weekend reach and we dey house, na you cause am. 10. *Football on weekend* - EPL, UCL, La Liga – it’s sacred. No “let’s visit aunty” during match time. TV remote is mine till 90+5 mins. 11. *Surprise gifting energy* - Random jersey, new pad, PS5 game, perfume – “I saw this and thought of you” energy. Don’t wait for birthday. 12. *Billing support line must be 24/7* - Urgent 5k, fuel money, “my plug just restocked” – your transfer must be faster than VAR. 13. *My boys approval* - If my guys no like you, we have wahala. They must say “this one try”. If not… sorry for us. 14. *God-fearing + street-smart + romantic = the 3 combo* - Pray for me on Sunday, understand the street on Monday, cuddle me on Tuesday. Balance or nothing.