not a ‘big ot’

bro last night was a trade war with canada

shopping for a weirds looking pillow. nobody tells you this is what life is like after you turn 25

my 5 year plan is to quit my job and join a group of those old guys who do little synchronized dances while roller skating. they just make it look so tuff

you can often find tell how hot a girl is by how loud her keys janglin around is

sorry I’ve been gone for the past two years. it’s taken almost 18 months but I think I’ve finally gathered enough evidence to cancel the dog from Air Bud

ideal male build

smokin on that shit that made her come around the mountain when she came

about to smoke and dive right into that good time rock and roll

I just couldn’t adult that day, your honor

you unlock something deep inside a white boy when you play ABBA around him

bro you should come over, I found us the perfect puddle to splash around in

*four beers deep voice* it’s a dangerous day to be little baked bean

impressing all the leftist girls at the cookout by looking down and shaking my head in disapproval every time fireworks go off

@s4m31p4n up late giggling and kicking my feet. can’t sleep because I’m so excited to see my 600 tweets tomorrow 😝

Oh boy I can’t wait to see 600 tweets tomorrow

@hanfjob karaoke mostly

what’s every one up to

*trying to convince a group of people smoking cigarettes to smoke a joint with me* alright guys now time for a silly one

last night was a stoner girl comedy written by kristen stewart

studio ghibli needs to make a movie set in Boise Idaho

this is how I feel when there’s no more modelo in the bottom of my fridge