Bingonglius Funklebottom

Shoutout to whatever the bartender put in those beers

I’m picking up the nasty ass fuck you burger from Arby’s, want anything?

Transferring money from my boss to my landlord in record time

For someone so behind at work, I sure am moving with an extreme lack of urgency

My brothers in Amsterdam and I’m stuck jerking off in my office

What’s 1 Michelob Ultra going to do?

Just got called a metrosexual in the office because of my outfit I must be dressed slutty

Just took one of those shits you have to write a tweet about

CEO turning the company into an Indian cold call center

You can’t get your dick sucked and suck it at the same time

I couldn’t care less that Iowa beat my Tigers, Florida will always be enemy number 1 for me. REST IN PISS

Your coach is a pedofile and a loser to this “loser”

You know it’s March when the gooncave gets repurposed

Failed aura gamble

DO NOT buy an electric butt plug off of Temu unless you want it to overheat and explode

Doordashing a mcchicken to use it as a pocket pussy

Never shaving my dick again. There is blood everywhere

Smells like paint in the partment is that bad?

Gave my girlfriend the best 15 seconds of her life, promptly pissed her off, and have been sitting in traffic for at least 90 mins. Now that’s how you start a Wednesday

1 more year of watching Travis Kelshit play “football” which means Taylor Swift is guaranteed to survive 2026 at least

Doctor Penguin diagnosed me with needing 6 beers tonight