Blake Mathews

I got Alden a pet rock... He didn't fall for it,lol

Exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. Bacon.

Tweet tweet bitches...

@GeenaJohnson Classic (:

Happy sprinter!!

Dear coworkers, please understand that my headphones on are the international sign for "leave me the hell alone."

@GeenaJohnson omg omg omg... GAY

#BestPickUpLine Wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?

I want a divorce!

Remember, proper grammar makes you way more attractive.

This is what I would look like if I were a zombie!!

I want to go to Canada, don't know why, just wanna go...

Just remember, if the world didn't suck we'd all fall off

@GeenaJohnson I'm not as bad as SOME ppl I know...

@GeenaJohnson I keep hearing that,lol

The best way to get over a woman is to get under another one!! (;

Early morning sex has proven to be more effective than coffee. Look it up on Wikipedia.

Condoms: 99% effective. Birth control pills: 99% effective. Cargo shorts: 110% effective.

Fun idea: 1. Put a piece of bread on the ground 2. Get someone on the other side of the world to do the same... Earth Sandwich