Bob Ferrapuhls 面条

I’m not here to make friends, I’m not here to win either. I’m not sure why I’m here actually.

@LucyKDenver I see what you did there

hot dog sauce

@RepJackKimble I never saw and don't know what you're speaking of. I've been busy doing important work. I'll try to review and get back to you.

Wow! I am so sorry about when on with my Twitter account today. Evidently, when I was enjoying the weekend, my staffers went a little crazy. I told them to echo Mike Johnson, but this is tone deaf entitled stuff and there's no excuse for it.

@DrPopCultureUSA Va va va voom!

Marilyn Monroe Chest X-ray (1954)

@DrPopCultureUSA One less egg to fry

“He called me for a divorce over the phone...He said, 'This will only take a minute...'” Angie Dickinson on ex-husband Burt Bacharach

@ClueHeywood Teach your parents well.

My mother is spending today on a six hour airport layover; her original plan was to kill time at a sports bar (apples, tree, etc) until I reminded her she’s a member of several premium lounges via credit cards, so now I can say my mom is club-hopping in Atlanta for Mother’s Day.

@LucyKDenver # CountryMusicLyrics

Pissed my pants at Lowe's in Forney Texas. #TexasThings

Airline and bank lobbies arguing in good faith 🙄 with comments turned off to shut down debate.

@ClueHeywood Did he play the Jerry guitar?

That Tedeschi Trucks show at Jazzfest might be among the best shows I’ve ever seen. Warren Haynes and Trucks doing a 23 minute Whipping Post. Two Sly and the Family Stone songs with George Porter Jr. Teddy Swims (who I’d legit never heard of) just killing Feelin’ Alright. Man.

@ClueHeywood @ProFootballTalk @blakemurphy7 On one level it's bad. On all the other levels it's bad too.

@ProFootballTalk @blakemurphy7 So many fucking levels mannn I swear football news should just shut down from May to July. Stop.

Could the Cardinals make a play for Aaron Rodgers? It makes sense at one level. At another level, it makes no sense. nbcsports.com/nfl/profootbal…

@MadMenQts Smoking, drinking pregnant Francine.

Derby Day

Reaching out via *Twitter* to the police, DOT, the state's governor, the district court system, the FBI and the Secret Service to report a blatantly obvious scam text message they received. The main character syndrome is strong with this one.

@ClueHeywood @PeterCorbett1 Drug mule.

@PeterCorbett1 When I was in Oatman in January I almost got carjacked

A Route 66 poser at Cool Springs on the road to Oatman. A tour bus turned travelers loose at a rebuilt stone gas station southwest of Kingman. ontheroadarizona.com/oatman.html

@LucyKDenver Never let your guard down.

Is there any saying more universal and more true than never trust a fart?

気付かれないように進む狩りモードの猫を無邪気に邪魔する子犬

The “music for people who have tattoos of their children but not custody” tour

Imagine putting the fate of your New Year's Eve plans in Morrissey's hands.

@LucyKDenver Trench coat mafia. Death metal. Let's be lazy and blame music and fashion for complex societal problems.

Did your high school also ban trench coats after Columbine?

I didn’t even need anything from the grocery store, I just came to hear some Gin Blossoms.

@kevin_nealon Kyle Mooney, Kevin Nealon, Vanessa Bayer and Karoline Leavitt

@_motherslug He's such a funny guy irl, I was really surprised at the casting, but he really channeled some inner, resentful a hole.

One of the worst (complimentary) characters in the latter half of Mad Men gets the best parting line.