ego dissolver lives a good life

@FictionIRL I perma claw left and right, ranked 17th in germany (not sure if that makes me good enough haha) if you're still looking for people to talk to. Looking forward to seeing your results regardless!

Intense day. Gonna keep tryharding. Almost at a point where I can start on the script. Just so much to put together and I still have several top players to contact (feel free to reach out also). Need to talk to a hand doctor and get more claw player interviews if possible.

Called Spark for 2 hours, 35 minute calls with DruggedFox and Joshman respectively. Interviewed 10 permaclaw players and have their opinions on several points of the debate. Posted stats that seem conclusive if you don't ask questions about data that seems to agree with you LOL

@RichDecibels @frideswyth Damn. I think you've unlocked something for me. I always assumed that other people would want the same amount of autonomy that I always wanted. But now that I am in position to delegate, I have been perplexed that nobody seems to want any of it. I couldn't even see it.

@frideswyth gotta delegate at the right level of autonomy innit

Struggling to come to terms with the idea that I need to tell people what to do (set them projects) It’s against everything I believe about personal development

@Untrulie I can't figure out which direction it goes: releasing neck and back -> increased refresh rate, or increased refresh rate -> releasing neck and back. It seems they can both cause and/or block each other.

@Untrulie I have given up trying to tell people what AT is, but this is good!! Sometimes I think of it as the practice of turning up your refresh rate. Because the hooks that slow down your refresh rate are tension in your neck and back?? Weird, but seems true over and over haha

Alexander Technique is psychophysical rationality

@RichDecibels In my experience, this lead to me not only practicing slowly, but reaaaally slowly, so much so that tempo was not really in the picture. It is so much fun and so relaxing, and I learn so much faster! (Though how fast it's going is probably best to remain out of focus)

@RichDecibels Almost everybody gets told they need to practice slowly, but very few actually follow through with it. It is better understood as a refusal to act upon nervous energy than as an additional command. (I hope my phrasing makes sense)

have you ever had a breakthru in your thinking about music? was there a class or a book or a video or an exercise or a song that made a big impact on you?

@sashachapin Totally agree! I feel like the more I mindful become the more I realize how deep my love of things runs if I let it

@QiaochuYuan @qorprate @PatchBandana @charmide @sympatheticopp I started watching Spy x Family after seeing this spreadsheet. Wow! So I guess I'll just be going down your list one by one now...

@qorprate @PatchBandana @charmide @sympatheticopp the anime spreadsheet is not a joke snav 😤

i think one reason dates seemed so weird & unfair to me when i was like a little autist feminist was that i genuinely did not understand that men like to be seen w a woman

Perhaps stranger women in yoga pants that I will never see again is my muse

Why the fuck is it that when I am stuck in an airport I am absolutely exploding with ambition, but when I am home I just want to nap and play video games??? Does my life need some tyrannical force to make it dreadfully boring so that I can rebel against it?

@DoroisDoro It is such a fine line... I feel your pain. But somehow we must always try again.

airable august 9 shame about habits of constriction yesterday someone asked me to sing a classical piece with several singing parts with him. i did, and i was driven by a powerful force of proving myself habitual ways of approaching classical music and automatically attuning to another’s projected issues had me stressed and unhappy and drained and constricted. it’s okay, i am telling myself. and i cry a little.

Blessed is the polyrhythm that goes and goes without change. No, fuck you, it doesn't have to change. youtube.com/watch?v=x5Z_0h…

said as somebody with significant experience in both drink-drive culture and drink-trainride culture

Blessed is the land that allows me to drink thoroughly and arrive home unharmed and unworried.

Good is the friend that doesn't notice the crowd mocking him for cackling genuinely.

@TylerAlterman I've often felt that Berlin is too well organized. You NEVER see somebody you know anywhere, unless you are headed to that one place where they are supposed to be. I'm not surprised that it's different in NYC.

@TylerAlterman Was discussed in Seeing Like a State. A city's job is to repeatedly chaotically slam together people, greatly increasing chance of beautiful serendipity. If your city is too orderly, the people will remain siloed, and constantly unwittingly pass each other on by.

It is still a mystery to me how coincidences like this happen so regularly in NYC. It’s a well-known phenomenon. Anyone have an explanation?

You are better off listening to pop drivel than podcasts. Music is healing.

Thus I suspect there is another level available - simply accept that your circumstance is unique, and have blanket compassion for yourself, regardless of if your problems are illness caused or not. You have a terminal case of "youness". Make the best of it!

Learning that I have ADD brought me tears of relief and self compassion for all the insidious ways that I fail where others succeed easily. But then I was embarrassed that I needed a society defined illness (for a society caused illness, probably) to have compassion for myself.