danmaku idiot

doing badtoday. need encouragement. haven't had non nasal food in a month. limbs are atrophied. nonverbal. nurses seem nice but impossible to get through. no light. please help

thumb man with atrophied limbs entering phase 2 of chemo. hates it here

sorry for the gross pics. i needed to vent

they need blood every 6 hours and idk why they can't just use the iv to draw blood but that + arm bruising means it all has to go through this hand and now there's a constellation of successful and failed draws alike.

CW MEDICAL, BRUISING, GROSS by veins imploding i mean this is my dominant arm atm.

basically: can't lay on my back bc of windpipe constriction. can't sleep on my right side due to veins imploding with IVs (not an exaggeration), can't sleep with an incline below 30 degrees bc they're concerned about clots. AND the bed sucks and is too short for me

"your blood draw is at 4 but they might run more labs, or they might push those to 5" great I'll just never sleep or relax ever again they won't give me a sleeping pill either

well so fucking much for trying to get any sleep between blood draws

gonna be honest this hospital bed is one of the least comfortable sleeps ive ever had. the air mattress i had living in RI was better than this

Muscle Car (Fuck Disco Mix)

@75PercentSpite but we did watch the whole thing so i guess im with you

@75PercentSpite yesterday me and maxie caught a movie where Tommy Lee Jones was a texas ranger that has to go undercover as a cheerleading coach and he was the best part about it but hoo boy it was rough

on the docket today: testicular ultrasound

sorry for all the times ive forgotten how many people are on my side. i love all of you

thank you everyone and thank you to my gf bc i don't know what I'd do if she wasnt in the room with me all day. im so lucky to have her

i know there are sliding scales of good and bad cancers. i would rather be home without any of this shit at all

more scans and an ultrasound later, i got a talk from the carcinologist. he seems convinced it's lymphoma. how bad is up to the biopsy, which will need to be near my heart. please please please wish me well. im extremely scared. can't remember crying more