Brian Barlow

Whenever I go swimming in the ocean, I always ask someone, "What country is this?" After they answer, I shake my head sadly and swim off.

Is there a doctor ON this plane?! Tell them it's wayyy safer INSIDE!

Dear LA Comedy Community I got food poisoning tonight and hence, a new character. Please book me in the next 12-48hrs to meet this unique fellow. Thank you.

Watch out soda cans, I’m in a horrendous mood. I’m gonna crush you!

*Borat voice* MAI RIIIIGHTS

My neighbor has played “somewhere over the rainbow” on banjo once every night for the past year and a half. Can anyone recommend a surgeon that specializes in removing ears?

Lost my sense of smell from covid sooo gonna finally do my stinky bucket list: -diaper countin’ at the dump -sewer party -eggplant -‘dopt a skunk

I thought it was spring BACK / fall FORWARD!! I’ve spent the past 5 years training to float around in space and now I’m stuck on this dumb planet while my “space gang” get to float upside down, watch liquids, pens and their hair get freaky. Pissed!!!

Backwards backwards is Sdrawkcab. Sdrawkcab sounds like the kind of cab that only drives backwards.

If I was two inches tall, I'd probably think spoons were fun to stand on.

Does anyone have a home they want to give away to a nice couple for free? We’ll even write you a rap or poem!

I’m a huge fan of Soup Bowls!

Is a frying pan considered a tennis racquet? I signed up for a tournament and want the $!

Time sensitive question! What’s the coolest way to parkour DOWN a company sign??? Up went so well! This job interview is going horribly :(

Anybody got a wall for sale? I'm getting into parkour.

It’s important to take your gas out 3-5 times a day.

Lasagna should be spelled Lazonyeah.

Hi Shark Tank. All food should have prizes in them. That’s my pitch. Bye.

Horror movie idea: When a convenience store is surrounded by zombies, everyone that goes feels uncomfortable. Title: All 7-Elevens

Joe Rogan is a terrible musician.

I hope the new justice is cool.