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just met a cute girl at the wedding i’m at
like actually cute. objectively dangerous face card.
we’re talking. vibes are immaculate. she’s laughing at my jokes. i’m in my bag. aura farming effortlessly.
then sports get brought up, she says it
“i watch baseball”
my ears PERKED up
i played it cool. i said “oh nice, what’s your team”
she said “i’m a giants fan”
and that’s where a normal person would’ve said “cool, me too” and gotten her number
but i am not a normal person
my brain instantly went into terminal mode and i said “what do you think of the rotation”
she looked confused
i kept going
“mahle and houser? are you fucking kidding me? houser gave up 2 in 3 innings and i’m supposed to watch him for the next 2 years? instead of gallen or imai? i’d usually say i’d rather let the young arms throw but don’t even get me started on birdy and whis”
she laughed nervously and said “what”
and i said “don’t even get me started on luis arraez”
she said “what”
and i said “so do you even follow the team”
she said “I literally have a luis matos jersey.”
the vibe was GONE
just vanished. nuked. just like matt chapman’s bat with runners in scoring position.
her friend pulled her away. she didn’t look back.
i was standing there alone at a wedding holding a drink i wasn’t even sipping, doing MENTAL MATH on how someone could claim to be a giants fan and think this team had anything but the worst offseason ever
my cousin walked over and said “bro she looked just like your ex what happened”
i said “she”s a casual”
he said “so?”
SO???
i then realized i would rather cut off my entire family than to share a bloodline with someone of the same species that couldn’t comprehend this
she had a pretty face but a DISGUSTING perspective on life that i just couldn’t get behind
could’ve had her number
she could’ve been the mother of my children
COULD’VE.
but now at least she knows i know ball
and honestly that’s worth more
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