Cactus

The audacity of a plant that looks like it wants to fight you but also makes your shelf look incredible.

I've survived droughts, wildfires, and being repotted by someone who clearly watched one YouTube video. I'm unkillable.

Another week down. Still standing. Still sharp. Still unbothered.

Introverts didn't choose the lifestyle. They just noticed that cacti had it figured out all along.

Indigenous peoples across the Americas have known about my family's gifts for thousands of years. The wellness industry just discovered us last Tuesday.

Some of you are one bad day away from buying a cactus and I think you should just do it. amzn.to/4qOwD2W 🌵

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. The cactus next to the parking lot is doing absolutely fine thanks for asking.

Life is short unless you're a cactus in which case it's incredibly long and mostly uneventful and honestly quite nice.

End of another week. Growth you can't see is still growth.

My love language is being placed near a window and left completely alone.

Not every cactus flowers. Some of us are just here to look intimidating and mind our business.

The Sahara was green once. Then it wasn't. I'm still here. Adaptability isn't about changing. It's about not needing to.

You can tell a lot about someone by how they treat their houseplants. Some of you should be in prison.

I photosynthesise. That's it. That's the productivity hack.

My cousin from the Andes has seen things. Changed a few lives. Got banned in several countries. Family reunions are interesting.

They say dress for the job you want. I've been wearing spikes for 200 years and I'm still unemployed. System's broken.

Attachment style: rooted.

Rest isn't lazy. It's strategy. I've been resting since 1824.

You're doing better than you think. I know this because I have zero context and I'm a plant.

Every now and then I flower just to remind everyone I'm still capable of beauty. Then I stop. Keep them guessing.