Calvin Strips 💚

Movin in back home soon Soon all my food will be free and cooked for me So long scrambled eggs with mixed in pepperoni

Parking meters will ruin your fucking day over 88 cents

Honestly I feel like this could be a dope Assasins Creed style game with superpowers

Whyyyy do we have to use Snapchat bro

Called a Jeff a retard in VC and now I’m chat banned for an hour

When I’m at the dentist I throw my AirPods in. Just do what u gotta do so I can gtfo You don’t gotta talk to my car to do the oil change

Actually this is something a Roy would tweet Ok if ur not a Roy you get the idea

Ya girl be having a Jim at work when you not even Roy

Playing Clash Royale during a movie at the theatre is the best Imagine if it wasn’t allowed. I’d kill myself I just hit 10k trophies while watching The Backrooms

BRO THIS WAS SO GAY!

“So uncs like my father did hackey sack in college, we did this thing called Spike Ball…”

Jungle beats… Holler at me 😈

“Instants?” Yea INSTANTly turned of notifications for your bullshit #instagram #instants😂😂😂

Not to be a nerd, but there rly needs to be more education on city scooters Like it’s crazy to me how kids grow up learning the life saving importance of wearing a helmet, but nobody gaf about hopping on a viechle w/ out one and it goes 2x fast They’re everywhere for all ages

When u didn’t put a full 100% in the gym today but you remember ur 5’7 so it didn’t matter anyway

When the preworkout start hitting and u remember u genuinely cringe as fuck

Don’t be bald telling me my shoelace untied

A real growing up moment is you stop glazing Zendaya and Pam from the office #cancelme

I remember in highschool when we got Mario Kart and COD on mobile. And both sucked

Lowkey if the tip screen was like a charity screen or something, you’d see me tapping 15% at McDonald’s or something