UNDER HEAVY MAINTENANCE - Camp Here & There Bot

mod post: HEY GUYS im an idiot and managed to break my bot script so don’t be surprised if there’s a way more limited amount of quotes being posted than usual

Here’s a more optimistic perspective on all of this — after today’s excitement, you’ll probably sleep too deeply for nightmares.

And you can rest assured that every living being on this campsite is under my jurisdiction as camp nurse, so if the fight escalates into a full-scale war I will treat injured penguins with just as much care as I would show a human child. But something… must be done.

It’s in the cafeteria if you’d like to check out or modify it, but here’s just a hint of the items our counselors and campers have lost just today: Counselor Rowan’s incense sticks. Counselor Warren’s animal tooth collection.

Mm. Can’t be that. This is… different. When I look back on my hallucinations they’re… colder, I guess; fuzzier than him, j-just-just a bit, no matter how real they felt in the moment. This guy cast a real shadow, and he ate my worms!

Today’s breakfast is raw honey and silver, starfish salad, and eggs of a color I simply cannot fathom! Matthew at it again with all those extra eye-cones!

Campers, I’m sure you’ve all been feeling rather troubled these past few hours — particularly those of you who participated in outdoor activities, as you have now most definitely been visited by a certain skylorn doomsayer.

SALEM: Sydney, I’m not lying. SYDNEY: Then what is this? Why are you acting like everyone here suddenly sees me as anything but a nuisance? JEDIDIAH: I don’t see you as nuisance, Sydney— SYDNEY: Or a thing to avoid?

Also, do your best to ignore the unknowable object which constantly floats in… (or perhaps, hovers above?) the surface of the lake.

You’ll find me and my handsome assistant, Jedidiah, on the Southernmost outskirts of the campgrounds, in that quaint little building among the yew berries. Got scrapes? Bumps? Bruises? Aches? Broken bones? Split ends? Jammed toes? Empty eyes?

I have to wonder what the final straw was for her. Was it when Juniper got strung up on the flagpole, gallows-style? Or when Matthew personally went to talk to Lucille about the… miniature black hole you creative chemists managed to spawn in the kitchen?

JEDIDIAH: What’s the opposite of afternoon? Is it evening? Or is evening the opposite of morning…? Would the opposite of afternoon be… some equivalent time of night? SYDNEY: (HOLDING BACK LAUGHTER) Wouldn’t you like to know. JEDIDIAH: I would! …not!

SYDNEY: Hmm hmm hmm… today was nice. I turned this on at 25:25 so it’s probably 25:27 or 28. I don’t really know what to talk about right now, and maybe that’s a good thing? Maybe I can quiet my mind down for a minute. Hmm… Quiet. Quiet…

JEDIDIAH: (SIGHING) That was… weird, but… thanks for getting the package for me. …C-can I… have it? SYDNEY: Yyyyyes… JEDIDIAH: Okay…? SYDNEY: If you answer some questions. JEDIDIAH: (EXASPERATED SIGH) Sydney, I don’t really have time for this — hey, is… is that still on?

This morning’s meal consists of eggs benedict, eggs sampson, eggs augustus, candy necklaces, and grilled pineapples with tabasco sauce. Vegans, that last one is for you.

Am I supposed to call this flagellation? / Trade confessions for questions, just us second guessing, I guess

To this day I take pride in that title — and you can take comfort in it, campers, knowing that I’ll get to the bottom of this if it’s the last thing I do. If you do run into the elephant man, though, put that fervor to good use and run. Run to me. And tell me everything.

Lucille refuses to leave her office no matter how much Rowan screams at her door. She seems quite unconcerned about this doomsday stuff, and while I admire her stoicism, you kids need some leadership in these trying times. So I’m stepping up to the plate!

LUCILLE: Jedidiah, all I can say is, if you don’t care enough to tell me the truth, this must not matter much to you. JEDIDIAH: (ON THE VERGE OF TEARS) It’s not about how much I care! (HE STANDS UP) Why does everyone think it’s about how much I care? Fuck!

JEDIDIAH: I will try to do something about him, okay? Lucille usually listens to me, and barring that, I… I can work on the alarm system, see if I can figure out why it won’t catch him.

He took the flesh of his love and filled it once more with the colors of life. The Architect ended death. Stupid, stupid man.