Canogreatstuff

She was more than Everest. Beyond what any view from the top could offer. The highest perspective, pure clarity. Women are mountainous in their infinite capacities. This honest mountain taught me how loving yet unforgiving the climb can be. Honest and somehow completely deceptive. Not always intentionally. Mostly unbeknownst to themselves. How fast they move, on and on. The need to be seen. To be known. The need for attention. A way to thrive. Not to say it’s bad. Quietly endearing, perfectly natural. Just something worth questioning. Is your own existence not enough to appreciate yourself? You showed me who you are. Your absolute beauty and seeming unconditional love. Along with your devastatingly cold self protection. If I had been honest sooner. Fear was a disguise. With truthful eyes the lies become visible. The way one can want one thing and do another. Searching for another. Dreaming of one true connection but only doing what they have always done. Making hollow connections with someone they pretend to believe loves them back equally. None are at fault. Each one of us is blind to our own true worth. I tried to show her. The mountain that she was. Wanted her to believe the way I did. Realising now the distance was equal. The lack of love mutual. Despite every attempt at reconnection only silence. Cold and brutal despite all warmth offered unconditionally. Understandably so. Maybe she’ll know he exists. The sky that hangs above her. Behind our eyes the reason hearts beat. Why one voice can touch her so deeply and cause avalanches that echo his name. The climber was guided toward this. He made a purposeful mistake knowing it would end. The mission bordered on suicidal. He returned empty and empty handed. Time passed. Love turned to hate. An attempt to forget. Eventually after too long expressing his feelings through silence alone he reached out. A heavy dose of empathy and self reflection clarified everything. The understanding of each others soul journey. Even now as he writes he knows. His words meaningfully meaningless. Not written to salvage anything. Only to express. He no longer wants her. Not because she doesn’t want him. He doesn’t even need her. He only wishes he could live without knowing she existed. But that would be too easy. Unfair on himself and the mountain. Maybe the only solace is in knowing someone so deeply that the one you truly come to know is yourself. I am the mountain and I am her. As we are each other. I am everyone. As we all are everyone aware of it or not. Their pain our pain our joy their joy. Their sorrow ours and exuberance shared. Were we anything at all? Question and answer like a dot within a circle. All emotions fleeting. All feelings ephemeral. How does one mind exist in harmony? Know true peace? As though everyone were one singular thought. All things a contemplation in infinity. Each multiverse an idea in the mind of God. Already thought. A question already asked and answered. The thought already gone back to the unimagined ether. A moment of paradise eternal. That must be how it feels. That must be how we feel. How we truly are. A memory that doesn’t exist aching to be remembered. Thats how I want to remember her. Thats how I remember you. This is how you are remembered. Even now. Even when memory fades the idea of you will always exist. Maybe not even in my mind. Just somewhere sometime. Maybe the next time round we’ll have it all figured out. Maybe the fun is in finding out through the climb and in making intentional mistakes. Maybe art saves more lives than we know. It saved mine. You were my art. A beauty a spectacle. Even the terror of you was worth it. One fine day we may understand what we meant to each other. Till then in this world or the next this is all I have left to say. I can no longer say good night so to you I say good day. And the good news? We’re only music. We were born to play.