carson

why do i need a job can’t i just be a stray cat in greece

the sphere didn’t have to go to work today but i did?

if you think i’m gonna sit and wait on you to back into a parking spot, you better think again buddy

When I walk in the Olive Garden

don’t jump to conclusions?? baby i got my moonshoes on

so you’re telling me nobody gets even a lil carsick in the indy 500?

something about 80° and sunny really brings the lawnmowers out of midwesterners

i’m a girls girl, but if you say something even a little silly my friends and i will sarcastically recycle it until the day we die

no it’s fine it’s just that i found a tiny onion in my food and now i can’t eat for the rest of the day

a lot of people don’t giggle at my lil jokey jokes. but that’s okay. i get the jokes. i giggle

i rlly need for gps to have a “no left turn” option i can choose. i can’t keep turning left. enough is enough

nobody: me: i have a pinterest board for this

good morning i just tried to write the word better but then wrote butter and stared at it because i knew it wasn’t right but couldn’t figure out why

if the drive is more than 15 minutes you need a lil car drink sorry i don’t make the rules

i’m so sorry but who’s out there actually buying weather channel premium

the world would be a better place if Tim Allen was president

my bedroom fan just died and now my life is ruined

can’t believe mormons don’t believe in drinking caffeine but they believe in sharing the same husband between four women

would you need a pilots license or a drivers license for a flying car

nobody: ohio on the fourth of july: 📢“don’t drive star spangled hammered” 📢

for teacher appreciation week, i got bit, hit, kicked, spit on, and cussed out by my four year olds but at least i got a bag of unpopped popcorn as a gift from admin!