Cassadilla

If my blood’s B+ then why do I still have depression? Doesn’t make sense.

Women are afraid men will: A. Drug them B. Beat them C. Rape them D. Kill them E. All of the above Men are afraid women will: A. Laugh at them B. Reject them C. Use them for a free meal

It is snowing.

This lesson can't be learned quickly enough

That was-a NOT what I-a meant . . .

My therapist really didn’t tell me she was going on vacation for a month until the day before she left. Like..ma’am you couldn’t tell me before we just had a session talking about my abandonment issues???

Top 3 worst things since I found my adoptive family: 1. My name was always gonna be this 2. I am not a princess 3. Men ain’t shit (but we been known)

Taco Bell getting rid of the crispanadas and the blue raspberry freeze really makes me mad

Don’t forget to report your income from illegal activities and stolen property as you’re doing your taxes this year

Happy President's Day to her only

@_JUULPOD You love kranch

The Weeknd had no right being on my Spotify wrapped. I have never listened to him and I tried my best to make it Garret Watts. That’s it.

Hey @TacoBell, there’s a mistake on your menu when ordering online. Some of the listings say “meal for 4” or “party pack” but I absolutely housed both of them with like 0 effort.

I just watched The Mick and how dare they fucking leave it on that cliff hanger?????

she’s kinda living the dream like that’s a real mastermind

So I run a Spotify playlist for unsigned/indie artists and bands called "Eliza May's Press Play" and I'm looking for song suggestions to add to it! If you're an unsigned indie artist/band and want to have your music added, comment below and I'll check it out! ☺️

Variety confirms that the #MetGala Cockroach was stepped on and died earlier tonight.

Okay. Usually, I don't tweet stuff like this, but I'm honestly at a loss for words. Imagine me, enjoying myself (with A LOT of friends) at my local movie theater, watching the re-release of Cocaine Bear when I see Chris Effing Pine sitting a few rows down! (pic below for proof)