chels

Friday. Commission paycheck day. Sunny and 75. Tee times already booked for the weekend. Married to a sexy man. Dinner plans later.

Trade shows are adult summer camps like wdym I won't see my friends until next year :(

In protest of everyone getting sickly thin I'm getting a little thic this holiday season

@KihneSheila You've aged so poorly. You should fix that.

My sister in TX is a big pickleball player and was stuck playing with a woman from the Minneapolis suburbs who is down visiting her daughter. My sister says “Gosh it’s hard to see what’s happened to Minneapolis” This woman asks “what do you mean?” My sister laughs and says “What do you mean “what do I mean”??” I do not miss these people.

Ever since I booked my flight to Ireland I've been waking up dreaming about a European cig. Literally can't wait

This is what I imagine God looks like

No revenge because your life is my worst nightmare

My biggest accomplishment is who I married. Some of y'all are married to fucking losers- couldn't be me.

Must be a white guy in golf polo convention in Phoenix this weekend because my flight is exclusively that demographic

Living the life I prayed for 🥹

How much did Stephen A Smith pay Dan Campbell

Honestly not the team I thought would blow it first but here we are.

It's my wedding month and both of my football teams stand undefeated. My life has not been this good since pre 2008. I have achieved full happiness and I will lose it all if a bunch of 17-30 year old men blow it for me this month.

Shed literal tears driving home from northern Minnesota while listening to the Vikings absolutely dawg the Texans. I love this state so much and it without a doubt the best in the country

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Happy Fourth of July Eve make sure you leave cookies out for me tonight

You know how we put old dogs down so they aren't in pain anymore? You see where I'm going with this?

You can tell a lot about a person based on if they are watching the debate or love island US tonight. For patriotic reasons I will be watching love island US

@AlexElliott23 I should have blocked you as to not interrupt your month with my straitness. Do not revoke my allyship

@chelsp141 This post during my month is crazy

My man can clean are gutters standing on the ground and suddenly I'm submissive and breedable