Jon

@1realFormula One time I got so high I ate a sandwich like this. Like I took it apart and ate just the lettuce, then the meat, then the bread, etc. it tasted amazing, highly recommend

What’s this logic 😭?

@MrBeast Plagiarizing Tim Urban?

Everyone on earth takes a private vote by pressing a red or blue button. If more than 50% of people press the blue button, everyone survives. If less than 50% of people press the blue button, only people who pressed the red button survive. Which button would you press? BE HONEST.

I’m never going to get liberty mutual insurance because their commercials are so fucking stupid and annoying, even if it’s the best insurance for me

No matter what time I go to the gym the same 3 dudes are always there

God I hate using endnote

@SenTomCotton Chump

Marijuana today is much more potent than just ten or twenty years ago, leading to increased psychosis, anti-social behavior, and fatal car crashes. Arkansans don’t want more dangerous drugs obtained more easily. A change to marijuana’s drug classification is a step in the wrong direction.

Burning your tongue on hot food has to be top 10 worst experiences

Computer, activate Trader Joe’s rosemary chip seasonal period

Trying to find a way to cite my friend’s quantum mechanics paper in my public health paper

Almost pulled my hamstring getting out of bed this morning, I’m getting old

@Kolyb10 @TaraBull What do you mean it’s in 300+ degree oil, salmonella dies at 165

@TaraBull This ain’t cooking, it’s a salmonella lottery ticket

People losing their minds over frying chicken directly out of the package.

@NewsWire_US Goddammit

NEW YORK (Politico) — Kamala Harris just gave the Democratic Party the most explicit sign yet she’ll run for president in 2028.

This year’s city connect jerseys are so mid

Drunk Jon calling out to me like the green goblin mask

@be_like_ice Therapists are only allowed to hospitalize you if you have an actual plan to go through with it. They want to give you that space. Suicidal feelings are ok to talk about with your therapist

Suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking

disappointed I haven’t grown boobs yet from eating tofu everyday like my MAGA stepmom said I would

Girl I was talking to at the bar was 29 so I asked if she remembered 9/11

@DanielRPK different camera, different angle, different time, no basis for comparison

Yup we're fucked

for April fools I will not be paying rent

@markgadala The glazing is unreal this is shit

The quality is just so damn good. Seedance 2 is the only AI video platform that can produce Hollywood blockbusters.