clark brooks

I've now authored two books and you can find both of them here: amazon.com/~/e/B08WJR6Y8N

Hey @elonmusk, fuck you and your diseased platform.

In a world that has enthusiastically embraced narcissism, intolerance, hubris and bombast at the expense of grace, civility, honor, modesty, empathy and accountability I have nothing to contribute.

@CrippleThreat8 I don’t know about politics but good ol’ Dickfart U has a heckuva football team this year.

Lots of irony in last night’s World Series Game 5, not the least of which is the fact that pitchers covering 1st on grounders to the right side is one of the first things teams work on at spring training every year.

I’ll just say as a comedian, it’s never good when a booker tells the crowd that they don’t think you’re funny either.

I met Arnold Palmer once when I was younger. I never saw his penis and yet I was able to form the opinion that he seemed like a very nice man.

@DrewOnTheRadio And can you believe the hurricane was a week ago???

Maybe it's just being in Florida, but there's no way it's actually Thursday today when it feels like it should be Saturday or Sunday but also could be this past Tuesday while also feeling like today might be this coming Monday.

Even the way they destroy guitars is weird

@FlavorFlav @PopBase And a hobby

Looks like he could use a hug. And maybe some therapy.

Man smashes signed Taylor Swift guitar after buying it for $4,000 at auction.

@MrChuckD I’m just impressed that you kept them!

My first’box’ making pause tapes on the radio and my first 8 track player yanked outta my 68 LeMans . What yall know about the cassette adapter from RadioShack we had to put and play in the 8 Track!?!?!

@ThatEricAlper All of these factors not directly attributed to Ticketmaster are influenced and driven by what Ticketmaster has done. Yes, other parties are getting a taste but they’re competing over what’s left behind by Ticketmaster.

Why Ticketmaster Isn't to Blame for High Ticket Prices zurl.co/qhAf

You go, @AnnCoulter! Get them clicks!

@elonmusk Oh yeah. Of all the rebellious billionaires out there, you’re clearly the most rebellious 🙄

Sometimes I wonder if I’m too defiant

@MittenDAmour Five guys short of a lacrosse team.

*instintively covers drink*

@roywoodjr I turned Black the day I was playing loudly outside with my friend and his mom yelled at him to get his DBA inside. I made the mistake of laughing and she said, “you too, Clark.”

We now know Kamala’s brave story. When did the rest of you “turn” black? How old were you? Where were you when the blackness finally took over your body? Share your stories. This is a safe space. #WhenITurnedBlack

@CrippleThreat8 I think we need to ask what the couch was wearing at the time because that’s a valid factor to consider.

@LangForOhio Your response to being overexcited during a public speaking engagement is to call for Civil War?

My statement below on comments made earlier today:

@ask_aubry This guy doesn’t know anything about sex or baseball.

Just a reminder these are the same dudes who are voting to regulate women's healthcare.

@ACatNamedMo Gunther got his blue checkmark though, so he probably won’t respond. 🙄

This is not an endorsement just a statement that takedowns on Twitter don’t get much more epic than this.