Mallory ⚡

Reddit is down that’s the only reason I’m here ok

Back from my 5 month hiatus and in search of the files who’s got em

*Me looking at the baby monitor* Me: Why is she sticking her fingers in her eyes? @jayclouse: It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache

My wife recently replaced all of our door knobs with door handles. We are often carrying a baby, so handles made it easier to get into rooms... Our very smart golden retriever, Ted, has already noticed this difference – and can no longer be kept out of any room.

Just when you think you’re gonna make it through the day without crying… your best friends send you the link to their wedding video 🥹

@jayclouse That’s why my bio has been “these are good tweets” since 2011

Short bios are a power move.

@jayclouse @theKevinShen Well he got the wrinkly shirt and the “disturbing” eyes spot on

We’re in the early stages of designing my new studio and @theKevinShen chose this model as my stand in. Is this what I look like?? The posture 😱

@jayclouse The fruit

Couple things I’m working on: 1.) Increasing my tolerance for NOT being productive 2.) Purposefully holding space in my days to prevent stress + overwhelm Both are actually very difficult for me. It’s helped me get where I am, but I need to enjoy the fruits of my labor too.

Nobody: @jayclouse : I taught her* how to high five today *our 8 week old baby

Me trying to sleep: am I a good mom? should we get a bigger car? is she getting enough tummy time? I wonder if my milk supply is good. should she be pooping more? did we open a 529? My newborn trying to sleep: *looks at wallpaper for 4 minutes and passes out for 3 hours*

@dianacabrices @theadvisorgc SO JEALOUS!! I hope everyone has an amazing time! ❤️❤️

Officially in Cali! 🌴 Getting ready for @theadvisorgc member social at Cabo Wabo🍹 SO wonderful to finally be off the computer and IRL with the team!

anyone got any pepto because this debate is giving me nausea heartburn indigestion upset stomach diarrhea

Who needs drugs when you can just sniff your newborn’s head?

Forced my mom and sister to watch Queer Eye and learn the HOT TO GO dance today so basically I’m doing the lords work

Jay is sitting on the other side of the couch holding our baby and I miss her so I’m watching videos of her on my phone

Me watching the bachelorette men tell all just hollerin DRAG HIIIIIIIIM at Jesse

@jayclouse Who’s saying what????

I’ve been posting a few videos to TikTok lately and I cannot overstate how much more unpleasant the average TikTok viewer seems to be compared to literally every other platform

Sitting in the hospital with our newborn daughter and I can hear the nurses in the hallway talking about how beautiful she is 😭💗

@jayclouse Plan to REALLY take paternity leave 😂

Thinking I will record a solo episode of the podcast this week. I want to cover ONE topic — “How I _____.” What would you want me to fill in the blank with?

@dianacabrices Congratulations Angel!! 💗

The best thing that has ever happened to me I love you so much, Tyler 3 years later at the same place we met We’re engaged!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️