Connor Meade

I feel douchey sharing things about me, but Anthony Brancaleone deserves the share for being awesome and writing great articles that support local comedy. Check out @TheMetDet! themetdet.com/connor-meade-l…

Whenever I see a video of Andrew Dice Clay I think he’s an Andrew Dice Clay impersonator.

I went to 420kent.com and turns out it’s not a dude named Kent selling weed. #brooklyn #NewYork

Men will ask “who hurt you?” Right after they hurt you.

@DoorDash has the worst customer service I’ve ever experienced. Are y’all hiring? I would love to be paid to be completely useless.

I’m a New York open micer (3) but a Midwest feature (7).

Do you think Marc Maron is mad at me?

Gay people walk so fast because they’re full of Rush.

It’s either my way or the other way, whatever is easier for you.

These kids will stfu for one second and be like “I went non-verbal. 🤪”

Republicans hate my abortion joke but love jokes about beating the fuck out of kids.

Absolutely devastated to find out the Big Boy’s in my hometown closed. 💔💔

Ever have people that stay in your life for no reason? My ex boyfriend’s uncle has kept in touch with me for 10 years. Like not in a creepy way, he’s a good guy, I don’t mind, but what are you doing here man?

I love the Midwest, the lady at the McDonald’s drive through window was so nice to me I almost cried.

Me after aggressively crying for 47 minutes: Time to jack off n go to bed.

Dude I love looking like a fucking idiot in NEW YORK CITAYY

I love that “there’s a girl in this band” is a genre of music.

I love a gay ass flight attendant.

Dudes just pretend to be libertarian for attention.

I love when people sit wide on the train, like legs spread arms out, and they think I won’t snuggle right up to them. Have fun trying to shove your elbows into my side, I’ll put my arms around you.

@BartDangus Microwaved probably

@connormeadian We talking deep fried or baked

Do you think anyone dug up my 2nd grade classes time capsule yet?