******

@McLagy Can’t be worse than the Yahoo fantasy app

The year is 2025 and the espn app is unusable

McDonald’s Coke rn or else

Sorry officer I did drink a Bang before getting behind the wheel

Looking to hold a baby. Preferably 3-18 months, but can deviate a little on both ends. Let me know if you have any leads.

One more look at this hotdog and I’m puking

@Barrymcock79274 If I didn’t get my fountain blue Powerade this morn I would have never made it

Solid compromise from a fountain drink

Need someone to follow me around and put a gun to my head every time I start to slouch #positivepunishment

@b1gdumb1diott Kickin ranch one clears

I have just been informed that Jimmy Johns is now making a chicken Caesar salad wrap and now I have to have it

@Barrymcock79274 Incel

Golfing with your girlfriend #shrink @coolchillgal

Whenever something bad happens to me it’s like Oh great, something bad just happened to me. And I’m 26.

Throwing up at the turn

@Barrymcock79274 Booking a tee time from the bar post midnight comes with implications

@coolchillgal Converse on the course #shrink

Sweating in places you’ve never even heard of

It’s never too early to pick a fight with a loved one

im tweeting less because i found a new victim to listen to my every thought

DUI while listening to an audiobook

A few wrong turns and all of sudden you’re in the casino parking lot at 2pm on a Wednesday

Got a lil cocky & tried to devil some. What a bitch that was.