Esmarelda Fitzmonster

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Esmarelda Fitzmonster

Esmarelda Fitzmonster

@corihealey

beautiful and humble and talented and also a liar https://t.co/mqbSc28m2y

Baltimore, MD Katılım Mart 2009
1.1K Takip Edilen1.4K Takipçiler
Esmarelda Fitzmonster
Esmarelda Fitzmonster@corihealey·
Whoever is on tik tok serving me content about my color season and kibbe body type wants me to feel insane
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maha
maha@mahaaaay·
meanest girl you went to high school with is posting “he is risen!!!” on her instagram story right now
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Ben Burgis
Ben Burgis@BenBurgis·
I would absolutely watch a two-hour documentary about this case.
Count Dankula@CountDankulaTV

The Afroman Trial. -Cops raid Afromans house for bullshit reasons. -Steal money, break his door, fuck his house up. -No criminality found whatsoever, no charges at all pressed on Afroman. -Afroman spends the next 3 years making songs that make fun of all the officers involved by name, even using footage of the raid from his own CCTV cameras. -Songs had titles like "Randy Walters is a son of a bitch" and "Lick Em Low Lisa" accusing one of the officers of being a lesbian and sleeping with the other officers wives. -During the raid one officer looked like he was about to eat some lemon pound cake sitting on Afromans counter, Afroman made a whole album calling the officer fat. -The cops get mad and file a lawsuit for defamation. -Afroman turns up to court in a whole American flag suit. -Officers performatively mald and cry while listening to the songs really trying to oversell how badly the songs upset them. -One officer was suing because Afroman made a whole song about him saying he was fucking the officers wife. When the officer was asked if Afroman was really fucking his wife, he said "I don't know". Nuking his own case and establishing that there is a non-zero chance that Afroman might actually be fucking his wife. -As his only witness for the trial, Afroman brought a deputies EX FUCKING WIFE. -The jury ruled completely in favour of Afroman. This entire thing has been a great win for free speech and absolutely fucking hilarious.

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Esmarelda Fitzmonster
Esmarelda Fitzmonster@corihealey·
I think it’s only right that @Browns sign Taylor Frankie Paul for like $200 million?
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Esmarelda Fitzmonster
Esmarelda Fitzmonster@corihealey·
For example I’ve been watching “how to get to heaven from Belfast” and I would review this as 2.5/5 “bad sisters but worse, still fun to watch Irish ladies have a romp”
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Esmarelda Fitzmonster
Esmarelda Fitzmonster@corihealey·
Netflix should let you review the things you watch as a publicly posted comment like Letterboxd
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Esmarelda Fitzmonster
Esmarelda Fitzmonster@corihealey·
The only billionaires taxed approximately are lottery winners
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Esmarelda Fitzmonster
Esmarelda Fitzmonster@corihealey·
Losing money bartending today because when people ask me if I’m rooting for army or navy I’m responding : “ I actually don’t support the military industrial complex by land or sea”
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@suttonsroller
@suttonsroller@suttonsroller·
Now please tell me why Tia had to wake up at 5:00 am to go to Stacey's swim lessons? They live close. #RHOP
@suttonsroller tweet media
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your cousin Vinny
your cousin Vinny@muddaub·
Earlier a coworker said she had been considering the name “Pearl” for her daughter, “but,” she said, “that’s the name of the daughter in…” and we both said “the scarlet letter” as my other coworker said “spongebob.”
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Esmarelda Fitzmonster
Esmarelda Fitzmonster@corihealey·
Hey guys I get married tomorrow so last chance to admit you have a crush on me. If you do it after I’m married I assume you pay a small fine or something
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Sen. Bernie Sanders
Sen. Bernie Sanders@SenSanders·
Our job is not to throw 15 million people off health care and double insurance premiums for more than 20 million. Our job is not to shutter community health centers, nursing homes and rural hospitals. Our job is to fix a broken system and guarantee health care to all.
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Esmarelda Fitzmonster
Esmarelda Fitzmonster@corihealey·
If the rapture happens tomorrow I’ll fill in all my extra wedding guest spots with people from Twitter
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🚬 🧚🏼‍♀️
🚬 🧚🏼‍♀️@thecigfairy·
If we lock in today we can have a moment at Disclosure during Latch
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LizaMinnelliOutlives
LizaMinnelliOutlives@LiZaOutlives·
Liza Minnelli has outlived Charlie Kirk, the ultra-conservative media personality.
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amun ✚
amun ✚@bigukeheree·
a father who agreed that when it comes down to it he wouldn’t mind making his 10 year old daughter deliver her rapist’s baby
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