Christen Sussin

Beware! A dirty bird hacked me - don’t open any of the nonsense with my name on it. LIES! Sorry friends. Password changed.

All I want for Christmas, and I mean THE ONLY THING, are those chicken socks

.@McConnellPress @speakerpelosi Your inaction is killing us. Create policies that protect our planet and our communities before it's too late. The climate crisis is a human issue. p2a.co/twitterimage?i…

I am addicted to videos of women demonstrating how to tie scarves. It keeps me on a razor’s edge of hope and longing.

I really feel like a Gravity Blanket would solve my soul's longing. I would get under it and never emerge. Press on me!

#FireBannon #FireBannon #FireBannon

In my dream my husband was Meryl Streep being abducted. She/he swallowed her wedding rings to poop them out later as evidence. Makes sense.

How many bracelets is Matt Lauer going to wear with his suit until he feels like we can really "see" him? Matt's truth/leather and silver.

I want a casual brown purse a lady with taste might carry, but every time I try to hold one I look like a rigid she creature with crazy face

Whenever I go out to a fancy dinner, I wonder what wry Law and Order style things the pathologist will say at my autopsy.

Can someone explain Skrillex to me? Is it just Corey Feldman doing a character?

There is no part of me that wants to spend time in a hot air balloon or even look at one. People that do, like tapioca and smooth jazz.

Uh-oh. I ate all the spicy kimchi and now my intestines sound like an escalator covered in glass and flaming roller skates.

Holy Cracks. I have just discovered The National and Daredevil. If you need me, I'll be pole vaulting around town on my lady boner.

@shanenickerson git it! #entrailsbackwheretheybelong

After this hernia surgery I'm about four five seconds from wildin' #stir crazy #40yroldwomanshiz

I just ate a jar or banana peppers and then drank the neon green brine. Tell my family I loved them.

Husband, wearing daughter's Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker, kissed me and ran off. Now he and child are harmonizing with electric toothbrush. Life.

@LucyWrubel we are loving "Do You Hear..." Thank you for the freshest Christmas joy!