ayra 🌸

people being in the kitchen at the same time as me evokes a special kind of rage

with no malice whatsoever to OP, some of you need to learn that more words aren't going to solve your problem if you have something you need to express, write it down somewhere, get it out, then don't send it. tell yourself you can send it later and wait for the moment to pass by doing this and revisiting it later, i learned that everything i wanted to say would have only made things worse, overloaded the other person, and caused them to pull away or not even respond to all the things anyway sometimes, some of the things i wanted to say in the heat of the moment became useful later and i was able to go back and grab them! that was good. a lot of it never got said and the things i did get back after that moment showed me they didn't need to be said. just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's real, and it doesn't mean anyone else needs to hear it. find someone who loves you and talk to them about the things you want to say to this person, get them straight in your own head. it will help deal with the urgency i had disorganized attachment, which features both avoidant AND anxious. for possibly the first time in my life, i experience secure attachment now. the process of getting here was highly unpleasant, but you have to understand that you cannot control other people's behaviour, only your own no-one is going to manage your emotions for you. you have to do it yourself

one thing I've realized is that people don’t like the depressed version of you. all the mental health awareness posts disappear the second you become the "too much" friend like they love talking about mental health but they hate being around it.