Floyd

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Floyd

Floyd

@dafloydsta

Dead Katılım Mart 2011
481 Takip Edilen30K Takipçiler
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
BATMAN: I got you flowers CATWOMAN: Put them in this vase BATMAN: Ok CATWOMAN: *pushes vase off counter while maintaining eye contact*
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
[wedding] "Anyone know why these two should not be joined in marriage?" ME: *from back* THEY'RE DOING A CASH BAR *priest drops bible*
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
NURSE: What's your blood type? ME: Oh, I'm not picky. I'll drink any kind. NURSE: What? ME: What?
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
JUDGE: You're charged with stealing penguins from the zoo. ME: *lips right on mic* I needed groomsmen for my wedding, your Honor.
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
[buying a used car] SALESMAN: What if I told you this vehicle is the Batmobile? WIFE: We're not stupid. ME: Hold on Karen, let him finish.
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
[trying to impress date] HER: I really want to have children. ME: [to waiter] Bring us your finest baby.
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
ME, as a kid: I can't wait to be an adult. ME, as an adult: I have seriously miscalculated this.
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
[job interview] "What's your greatest weakness?" Procrastination "Can you elaborate?" *deep sigh* Can we not do this now?
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
[date] HER: So what's your spirit animal? ME: Roosters. HER: Lol, why? ME: *leans in close* I also start my day screaming.
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
@Jay_FrickinLynn Happy birthday, my old friend! You look great! 🎈🎊🎁
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" ME: *sweating profusely* Yeah why, do any ghosts work here?
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
[job interview] What's your greatest strength? "I'm a people person" Excellent. Any weaknesses? "I hate them"
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Chris Infante
Chris Infante@Infante54·
Me thinking about the Super Bowl and realizing it would be Wentz’s second time seeing his back up win the SB
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
FRIEND: Women like when you're mysterious ME: Okay [later on date] HER: So where are we going tonight? ME: None of your goddamn business
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Floyd
Floyd@dafloydsta·
@howardeskin Are you gonna be the new host of Family Feud? Ya know, for the free kissin'.
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Howard Eskin
Howard Eskin@howardeskin·
After 38 years I am moving on from Sportsradio WIP where I launched the station’s sports talk franchise in 1986. I leave the station with great affection for the listeners who have made the work I do so fulfilling during my time there. I’m looking forward to what comes next career-wise. I promise you’ll be the first to know. Thank you.
Howard Eskin tweet media
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Jenny Doesnt Know
Jenny Doesnt Know@HighlyIngenious·
I keep forgetting I want deviled eggs then I see someone on here talking about them. I must put them on my to do list for tomorrow.
Baxley, GA 🇺🇸 English
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