Floyd

BATMAN: I got you flowers CATWOMAN: Put them in this vase BATMAN: Ok CATWOMAN: *pushes vase off counter while maintaining eye contact*

Isn’t life a dream? bleedingdry.music #indiemusic #alternativerock #originalmusic #newmusic #bleedingdry

[wedding] "Anyone know why these two should not be joined in marriage?" ME: *from back* THEY'RE DOING A CASH BAR *priest drops bible*

NURSE: What's your blood type? ME: Oh, I'm not picky. I'll drink any kind. NURSE: What? ME: What?

Haven’t posted music here in quite some time… but I finally released something new. bleedingdry.music/overview

JUDGE: You're charged with stealing penguins from the zoo. ME: *lips right on mic* I needed groomsmen for my wedding, your Honor.

[buying a used car] SALESMAN: What if I told you this vehicle is the Batmobile? WIFE: We're not stupid. ME: Hold on Karen, let him finish.

[trying to impress date] HER: I really want to have children. ME: [to waiter] Bring us your finest baby.

My new single Isn’t Life a Dream is now streaming everywhere. Listen here: bleedingdry.music/overview

ME, as a kid: I can't wait to be an adult. ME, as an adult: I have seriously miscalculated this.

[job interview] "What's your greatest weakness?" Procrastination "Can you elaborate?" *deep sigh* Can we not do this now?

[date] HER: So what's your spirit animal? ME: Roosters. HER: Lol, why? ME: *leans in close* I also start my day screaming.

@Jay_FrickinLynn Happy birthday, my old friend! You look great! 🎈🎊🎁

INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" ME: *sweating profusely* Yeah why, do any ghosts work here?

[job interview] What's your greatest strength? "I'm a people person" Excellent. Any weaknesses? "I hate them"

Me thinking about the Super Bowl and realizing it would be Wentz’s second time seeing his back up win the SB

FRIEND: Women like when you're mysterious ME: Okay [later on date] HER: So where are we going tonight? ME: None of your goddamn business

@howardeskin Are you gonna be the new host of Family Feud? Ya know, for the free kissin'.

After 38 years I am moving on from Sportsradio WIP where I launched the station’s sports talk franchise in 1986. I leave the station with great affection for the listeners who have made the work I do so fulfilling during my time there. I’m looking forward to what comes next career-wise. I promise you’ll be the first to know. Thank you.

@HighlyIngenious You know else likes deviled eggs?

I keep forgetting I want deviled eggs then I see someone on here talking about them. I must put them on my to do list for tomorrow.