Fanny

@WiredWeird2018 @therealelp @KillerMike I hear that.

@KillerMike @therealelp I drew your voices! I have synesthesia, which means I hear music in color. I love Run The Jewels, and the drawing of your voices is featured as one of a few music paintings in my senior thesis exhibit!

@OneChapterAhead Superb!

Ok I give up, what's a "superbowl?"

Husband and I booked a place with @wimdu, then the host backed out last minute. Wimdu said we're on our own. So disappointed.

Use confusing grammar to show how smart you're.

Breaking: Tearful Ludacris admits all hoes from same area code.

[Vulcanology conference] VULCANOLOGIST: What do you like about volcanoes? ME: [sheepishly removing Spock ears] Fire. The thick runny fire

BREAKING: Researchers baffled as Twisted Sister continues to take it. @VaguelyFunnyDan

R

.@wilpetre Today I saw a commercial sign installation company called "Sign Up Now!"

Kid 1: What's in the fridge? Soda, some purple stuff... Kid 2: [Collapses under the pointlessness of life and nature's cruel indifference]

Telephone poll finds 100 percent of Americans are bored and lonely. Thank you for reading my joke about selection bias.

"Rear-End" was sick on the day they made this commercial.

A smart device, but in the form of a ring you wear on your finger that tells you when your smart watch is telling you to look at your phone.

I work out on Wednesdays. Specifically, the third Wednesday of February.

articulate bad.

This one's all you @robdelaney i.imgur.com/hIoQlgc.jpg

Teeth is weird because it's really just some skull that's showing

Only ten days until the release of my memoir: Void Where Prohibited, A Sad Tale of Guerrilla Urination

Instead of "stat", doctors should say lickety-split