David Warren

touchdowns

Today, we launched the All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office. This exciting new office will synchronize efforts across the government regarding anomalous, unidentified space, airborne, submerged and transmedium objects.

@shrimpJAJ No cap?

I dont think ive ever lain down with a single woman who caps the toothpaste again after the first use. Pretty small data pool! but still!

President Putin’s actions demand a firm response. That’s why we’re imposing full blocking sanctions on VEB and Russia’s military bank, cutting off Russia from western financing, imposing sanctions on elites, and more. We will continue to escalate sanctions if Russia escalates.

@ComedyBangBang Scott is actually Bruce Willis.

Just like we do every single week, it’s time to submit your predictions for tomorrow’s episode.

A special uniform for a special game! Check out the new threads that @NavyWBB and @NavyBasketball will be wearing for tomorrow's Army-Navy doubleheader👀 #FlyNavy | #BeatArmy

@ComedyBangBang We say “Sunday II”, snowflake!

Happy Monday, to those who celebrate.

Omicron cases are on the rise, but it’s clear that vaccines and boosters are making a difference. Vaccines and boosters help prevent severe illness and death — if you haven’t already, go get your vaccine and booster.

Who is winning this year’s #ArmyNavyGame ?!

@USArmy @USNavy Navy good Army bad. #completelyunbiased

Who has the better uniform, Army or @usnavy? Army = 🐴 Navy = ⚓ We'll give them this much, it's better than last year! #GoArmy #BeatNavy #collegefootball #ArmyNavygame

"I'm just here so I won't get blind" Marshawn Lynch before cataract surgery #unconfirmed

Nez Perce drum group Lightning Creek nominated Debut Group in 15th annual Native American Music Awards: bit.ly/1xdAGZZ

It's official! Next burn coming Sept 20-21st. More details to come!

I'M MAPPING OUT A PLAN TO GO AFTER THE SERIAL GROPER IN LAKEWOOD

JUST BUST A CRACK DEALER BY THE KNOCK KNOCK DOWNTOWN

DON'T FORGET TO JOIN ME AT FIRST AND PIKE TOMORROW AT TEN PM FOR PATROL MASK OPTIONAL

If sanwiches started their own country, the Reuben would be their king. #it'sscience

Answer: Only three. #takethatedison

How many trips to the grocery store does it take for a blonde to purchase a light bulb the correct size and wattage for one fixture?...

@rainnwilson Roland Stone #OneManCoverBand