David Heti

Three more Monk albums for the kids. *Then* I can kill myself

Baseball game’s a good place to think about your father who’s passed

Gotta better pretend to be charmed by the dog in the elevator

So disgusted this morning having to see everyone who didn't win an Oscar

I hope that thing I ordered wasn’t supposed to be coming through the Strait of Hormuz

Why should I pay more for the ticket to see a show of someone my own age than they would pay to see my show??

Passed over for Pope yet again

@beckysphone1981 Becky! I guess everyone around me is getting older these days. Can’t/shouldn’t complain, probably. How are you?

Yaay! Havent seen @davidheti on in a while. How have you been?

Everyone looking shabbier generally

Always a shock just how many more homeless people there are on the subway than in my car

When a couples therapy on Valentine's, do you offer the flowers before or after the session?

Can't believe my girlfriend would rather go to her sister's destination wedding than purchase a $4000 subwoofer

Djokovic continuing to make me look bad

Biden for VP

Montreal show tomorrow. 7pm. BENELUX. Comedy On The Well Fest thepointofsale.com/tickets/jvk240…

Instead of summiting Everest I’d like to see more of those tiresome adventure types make goes at the Darién Gap

This series has really given me a lot of hope for the second half of my life

What kind of sadist invented this day? Every year makes me wish my mother had never been born

People walking around outside early-spring ought to be better looking than this