David Ingber

2020 QBs Ranked* Goff Carr Lock Ryan Allen Foles Brees Brady Jones Wentz Rivers Murray Wilson Burrow Newton Watson Darnold Jackson Winston Haskins Cousins Rodgers Mahomes Trubisky Brissett Prescott Mayfield Stafford Tannehill Garoppolo Fitzpatrick Roethlisberger *By Name Length

It's cool buying clothes for a 4 year old girl, because you go to a store and the tag says "Girl, 4 years" I wish adult clothing sizes worked that way and that every 100 year-old in the world was like 20 feet tall

My daughter threw my ear buds under the fridge for some reason and I was gonna get mad, but when I pulled them out, they hooked onto the expensive comb that she’d apparently also thrown under there that my wife had been looking for for weeks

*me, teaching a college course* *i spot a Netflix executive in a trench coat at the back of the auditorium* Netflix exec: we’ve got a new 10 part docuseries on heists and you’re just the man to binge it in one night Me: *chuckling* im getting too old for this shit. Ok I’m in.

Me: do you want peanut butter and jelly? or a turkey sandwich? Daughter: neither Me: okay, peanut butter and turkey it is! Me: *expecting a giggle and “dada you’re so silly!!!”* Daughter: ugh, what? No My daughter was 3 years old, had a birthday, and turned 16

Me: ok let’s start getting ready for bed Her: no I have to hit this balloon with a fly swatter more

@byDavidGardner Teams shouldn’t be constrained by “five players on the court” at the same time. It should be a maximum of 35 feet of combined height

Please reply with any take you have about basketball. Any take at all will do. Some breitbart dude quote-tweeted me and my mentions are all bots with American flags

Sometimes I’m in awe of my wife’s parenting skills. About halfway through a long car ride, we notice our daughter getting kind of antsy. So my wife starts peppering *her* with “are we there yet?” repeatedly. She thought it was hilarious. Confused happiness the rest of the way.

This is how it goes when I’m golfing: -bad shot -worse shot -bad shot -bad shot -embarrassingly bad shot -what the hell was that shot -half-decent chip Me: “hey, I’m young enough that with the right coaching, I could probably still make the Tour”

I asked my daughter to stop wiping food off on her sleeve. Minutes later I caught her wiping food off her hands on the table legs. Is that progress?

Billion dollar business idea: babysitter closers. Babysitter shows up at your house a half-hour before bedtime, hands you a beer, says “you were real innings eater out there today, champ, but we’re taking you out” and then they have to deal with the meltdowns

i don't usually get too sentimental/emotional, but at our father's day dinner last night, my wife asked our daughter what she loved about me, and she responded "he lets me watch videos on his phone". is someone chopping onions in here or what

Dads: “why are my neck and back randomly so sore today” Dads everyday:

@FlockCwood Happened to me. It’s funny for two days and then not funny very very quickly hahaha

@davidingber1 I’m just tryna get my son to say dada before he says momma so I can rub it in my fiancé’s face

I’ve made some parenting mistakes along the way, but one thing I’ve definitely gotten right was training my toddler to say “solid” any time I do anything mildly impressive

My daughter just tried to bring a bunch of leaves she picked up into the house and i said “no they’re called leaves, because you have to *leave* them outside!” I was really proud of my spontaneous dad joke, but long story short there are like 50 leaves on my living room floor now

It’s been a tough week, but getting some very nice messages from friends and strangers on social media has made it much better. Then my daughter asked me how mermaids take baths and I had no idea what to say so I’m back to feeling down on myself again. Happy Friday, everyone!

@gentile_justin @LefkoeShow @AdamLefkoe Thank you kindly !!

@LefkoeShow @AdamLefkoe @davidingber1 best of luck @davidingber1! Thank you both for being a great hang during a period when noone could hang out in person.

🚨🚨🚨 Major announcements on the podcast! @AdamLefkoe is back in the chair with @davidingber1. Talking life, the future, NBA playoffs, and more. All will be revealed in due time. For now, 33%ers, just know how much we love you. 🙏 omny.fm/shows/the-lefk…

Parenting is a lot of “oh my god there’s a tiny venomous spider in her hair oh wait that’s a dried oat from three days ago whew”

There are certain moments as a dad where you’re like “you are SO my daughter” like just now when it went from sunny to pouring rain in two seconds and she immediately ran to the window to laugh at the soaking wet joggers

@StegNCheese Haha believe me, as it was happening, it felt like I was doing turn number 100

@davidingber1 Tomorrow up it and do the austin powers 45 point turn

I usually do a 3 point turn to avoid backing out of our long, narrow driveway. Today, I was kinda lazy and it ended up being like a 7 point turn. My neighbor saw it and pursed his lips disapprovingly, so anyway now I have to move to a different house