David James (Blauer)

This SUNDAY! PALAZIO POOL PARTY! #palazioaustin #poolparty #krutovodka

Trump went with the Y2J (Chris Jericho) intro tonight . I hope tomorrow he does the duck walk and lionsault. #RNCinCLE #ChrisJericho

Did Melania Trump just say "my benefactor" or is that what I wanted to hear.

@JeneBramel You use standard IDP scoring for your rankings. Where can I look at these scoring values?

Does this mean I can marry my penis?

Somewhere out there is a misinformed boy who feels less guilty about masturbating.

Or did he? twitter.com/briangaar/stat…

The Hobbit is 3 hours long. I have spent the last 2 trying to come up with a "Lord of the Cock Rings" joke.

David Blaine's greatest trick was making Fiona Apple disappear.

John Travolta pretending he is attracted to Idina Menzel is his best performance yet! #TheOscars2015

My wife - Is it a cumberbund. No it's a vest. Me - No, it's a bad choice. #TheOscars2015

Best live action short should be called "try harder pussies" #theoscars2015

"And now for movies you will never watch, er um best foreign language film" #TheOscars2015

Why is one of the waiters onstage singing like a girl? #TheOscars2015 #AdamLevine

Wow. Ellen looks taller. #theoscars

If you count the rings under my eyes you will know how long I've been a parent.

Is it to soon to start talking about the mole on Malcolm Butler's head? #goodwingreatmole

@briangaar Or, Amputees are proof that God hates snakes.

The apple watch only costs $incessant nitpicking by Samsung fans.

Siri just farted and laughed at me when I tried to stream the #AppleEvent on my iPhone 4.