空☁️

perhaps the reason why people around me keep disappearing is because they weren't meant to be in my life forever, and that God removes them from my life to stop them from hurting me, as an act of protection. everything happens for a reason. (📌 in case I forget)

haven't been sleeping well lately because the drilling noise from upstairs is kinda unbearable...it's been going on for a week 😣

つかれたー

色々あったんやけど 今少し落ち着いた気がする、、 本当によかった。

あー寝顔かわいすぎ。

and I truly appreciate the daily updates and photos he sends me without even me asking... まじでかわいすぎだろ 🤍 a person who is good at communicating is so attractive.

I'm so glad I met him honestly he's been by my side these few nights...every night accompanying me, まじで凄くうれしい。安心できる。🤍 I'm so grateful

I've been trying to forget the painful memories and I would say it still stings abit every now and then when I recall but it's definitely a lot better now 🤍

haven't been updating here recently but a lot of things have happened over the past couple of weeks, both good and bad but I would say now things are pretty good 🥰

不安

I hate that people only see me as someone cute? it's really cringe for me to say this myself but I feel like I'm not being seen as a person. is かわいい the only thing people can say these days?

feel so pathetic recently, I wanted to improve myself but I'm getting back to old toxic habits...and I hate my current self but it's my only way to relief the pain? the emptiness just hits me randomly, and crying in school is the worst...まじで最悪。 it's giving me deja vu.

it's so overwhelming... feeling everything at once... guilt, regret, pain, helpless, lost... まじで苦しい、辛い、痛い。 I think it's been a long time since I've felt this much pain? しにたいよ。。。 本当に 痛くて痛くてしにたい。

情けない。 弱い。

I keep telling myself to be stronger and improve little by little but the waves keep crashing down on me I feel so conflicted... right now I just want to be a coward and give up... I feel so drained that I feel like I don't have much fighting power left in me

I don't know what I should be feeling honestly... right now I just feel a fool for ruining my own life and connections with people... I don't even know what is the right thing to do anymore...or is there even a right thing in the first place? 頭の中ぐちゃぐちゃ、もうわからん。

心凄く凄く痛い。。自分を責めることしかないね 今回。

自分本当に最低最低。 Just when life was slowly starting to get better I just had to ruin it... 罪悪感。。。 しにたい。

I still have so much to write for a post-進撃の巨人 review in 日本語 ... it's a story that has so many complicated layers and characters but it's been really fun writing it so far

consistently writing out my thoughts these days made me realize how important it is to pause and reflect every now and then

ive been trying to improve myself and learn new things over the past few months, and there's still many things I would like to change. but I guess it would take some time. as for now, I really really do enjoy writing my thoughts in 日本語。it brings me sooo much joy.