Dirty Old Man

My wife and I saw you from the other side of the bar and we really like your vibe.

Tell me you've never given a woman an orgasm without saying you've never given them an orgasm.

Remember those bland-ass burritos you tried once because you were thinking "I should try and be more healthy?" wweek.com/restaurants/20…

Just drove past a Portland strip club with a sign "We'll motorboat your mask."

Why the fuck would someone want hot ice cream? twitter.com/eaterpdx/statu…

Hooters announces new pizza place in Portland. #heart-pizza" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">pdx.eater.com/2017/2/21/1468…

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think Sandwich Shops should have fucking "cocktail programs." #stacked" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">pdx.eater.com/2017/2/16/1464…

@eaterpdx I look forward to telling these places all my dirty secrets. Most restaurants can't be trusted, so I appreciate this list. Thanks!

Seeing an off-kilter porta-potty scares the shit out of me.

@PPBPIO ?

@portlandgeneral Did I win?

@portlandgeneral I like to fuck with the lights out.

Man, those folks at @car2goPortland are kinda dicks.

I don't know what sensor they gotta add to make it happen, but I'd love it if my Apple Watch didn't vibrate while I'm taking a piss.

Spoiler: He got stoned and thought it was a great idea. twitter.com/breakingPDXnew…

tfw when you're a chef in a magazine, but the picture is of a bowl of turds. vailmag.com/articles/2013/…

Everyone in the modern age has purple as their favorite color.

I keep seeing ads for this new restaurant in Portland where they serve horse everywhere.

I've never actually heard Tina Turner's “Private Dancer” played in any strip clubs, which I think is weird.

Ever since they opened the stripclub/salon in Portland, you can tell the perverts because they have really nice hair.