Brandon K

Why is everyone taking selfies on this airplane and why is someone using the overhead compartment to store a balloon?

Did my optometrist say to change my contacts every two weeks or every four months? ...it was probably four months, right?

Traffic cop waving people through a green light. Thanks for clearing up any confusion with the traffic light system.

The trick to the cheeseburger diet is to stop reading the nutritional facts after the protein facts but before the calorie facts.

IKEA for breakfast by myself. It's gonna be a good day.

Girls who know me WISH I treated them like a piece of meat. (like it's the greatest thing I've ever seen every time I see it)

23/M/CA currently seeking a female who's into the idea of chipotle catering our wedding.

Valentines day with my girlfriend!

Just lint-rolled my dog's face. #superbowlsunday

Guys, EVERY Thursday can't be throwback Thursday. That's just ridiculous. #tbt #flashbackfri #setbacksat #somedaysun #memorymon #tuesday

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: EAT MORE BURRITOS AND BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT IT

Ah, the old classic rivalry.

Got a full price burrito on $2 taco Tuesday. Why? Because fuck you society, that's why. You don't tell me when to eat tacos.

Nick Foles vs Kyle Orton for the NFC East championship Sunday Night. Just like we all thought back in August.

There's fashionably late and then there's Bill Murray in the final minutes of the game in Space Jam late.

Overheard phonecall: "We ARE the dream team, but we're not murderers." Not sure what on the other end of that call could justify that.

Dude lost a blue button down today. Dude liked said button down a lot.Holler @ a dude if you see it & I'll holler at said dude. @HakkasanLV

So you're telling me that this box of butter is made with 100% real mashed potatoes? Good work, Betty Crocker!

Just bought a tuna sandwich at a gas station. Tell my family I loved them.