slick

some guy just stumbled upon this sandwich in the woods

Ah man I'd love to come to your barbecue but I'm not hungry that weekend

cops are always like "can you tell me why you were going 90 in a 55?" and you have to explain to them that it literally gets you there way faster. just goes to show the guys who fail at math end up as cops.

if i ever found out a mouse lived in my home, and he had a small archway in the wall, and he lived in there with small, real furniture, and he ventured out nightly to get one olive or a small wedge of cheese. i would stop at nothing to end his life. i would spare no expense

@laurenmcb18 @DeputyWarlock Not sure if there’s a better link somewhere else but this thread with Mike was so funny. tumblr.com/haywire4/17393…

Logged back into this website to post how much we are going to dearly dearly miss our friend and top tier twitter poster @DeputyWarlock who passed away this week. Idk if maybe some of his followers will see this and send us some of his greatest hits. Rest easy Mike. ❤️‍🩹💔

Gigantic 2 mile long sandworm traversing vast stretch of desert: oh my god is that 4 dudes. This is just the satisfying meal I need for my big body

@anthkc They still follow my alt: jacobin Netherlands

@dlicj Check again.. smh

@jeffbezosfan420 It was a good run

@dlicj i think they unfollowed you lol

@lofipillbeats They found out I’m at the forefront of socialist thought

@lofipillbeats Haha

@sam_reginald That should be fine

saw a guy in his driveway underneath a rolling computer chair working on it like he was working on a car

@paynushurts First thing everyone should do when it’s time to tighten the belt

@dlicj Cheaper than taking it in to the shop

@illegalgambler Plain and simple

@dlicj guy stuff

@_jmarquis Flesk

@dlicj Flesk

“Flesk”

@andrewtabs Floy

@dlicj prap flesk

@ByYourLogic Once a 5’ 6 coworker called me a “beanpole”. I’m 5’9.

after I lost a bunch of weight in my early 20s two women got into an argument at my job and one said “that skinny white boy, no offense, saw it!” and then I realized she was referring to me. no one had ever called me that before. I was like “you’re both right :)”

me to my 4 year old son: i just got off the phone with santa and he is so angry about what you did that i am genuinely afraid for your life. we need to put you in hiding because at this point i think he would even kill me to get to you.