Dogs doing things

Dogs discovering Chekhov’s gun hanging in the void before the creation of the universe and gasping, “Oh, no.”

Dogs shouting, “Do you see what happens?” and smashing a Corvette with a crowbar, adding, “Do you see what happens when people stop being polite—and start getting real??”

Dogs waking with a start on Christmas Day and throwing open the windows to scream in ecstatic delight, "One day this will all be NOTHING."

Dogs sitting motionless in a cubicle, explaining, "Thirty, flirty, and thriving."

Dogs earning 1.5% cash back.

Dogs pitching a panel of Disney executives on the concept of a Star Wars series where Luke and Chewbacca and all the other good guys storm Osama bin Laden's compound.

Dogs lying dead under a tombstone reading "GUESS I DIED."

Dogs gazing stoically across the long American landscape and remarking, "Bullshit."

Dogs sitting at a desk, explaining, "All I am surrounded by is fear and dead men."

Dogs proclaiming at the arrival of an angry God, “First we sacrifice the utilitarians.”

Dogs wondering aloud, “What’s the deal with airline food?” and promptly puking in your lap.

Dogs pitching a panel of venture capitalists on the concept of a Zoroastrian Tower of Silence where carrion birds will consume your flesh.

Dogs gasping as a mushroom cloud shines brightly on the horizon and consumes the land, murmuring, "This is what democracy looks like."

Dogs reading the news of the day and noting archly, "Some pig."

Dogs cursing you with awesomeness.

Dogs just kickin it in Hattiesburg.

Dogs explaining that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from some godforsaken idiot delusion.

Dogs waking with a start on the first day of spring and throwing open the windows to scream in ecstatic delight, "Dick Cheney is STILL DEAD."

Dogs insisting, "I'm awesome," and pausing to swig from a bottle of gin and insisting even more fervently, "I'm really awesome."

Dogs cursing you with awareness.