Doogie Ferd

Me after crawling out from my wife’s ass in the grocery store

@Infex333 You’d think one of the major heads of gaming could figure out currency conversion on gift cards lol

Tried to buy a (physical) PS store gift card for a buddy, and he can't use it because he's in Canada. Cool system you've got there, Sony. At least I picked up that Riju amiibo while I was out, so the trip wasn't completely wasted.

Announcing that my butthole “straight stinks” over the PA system at Walgreens

Rubbing my belly for the boys then farting wet

It’s every man’s civic duty to protect their family on a roadtrip with a katana against the sickening inbreds deep in the Nevada desert

Crouching tiger, hidden anus

@Infex333 Honestly the only thing keeping me sane is larping as Jim Carrey characters at work, making boomers shit themselves giggling then they waddle off forgetting whatever nonsense they were about to bother me with. Idk the longevity of this tactic though lol

How do people fuckin do this daily grind shit for decades until retirement. I feel like I’m at maximum cope and even that is running out fast, and I’m not even 40. Imagining doing this for another whole lifetime before I get a chance to finally relax is driving me insane

I’m mainly upset that the stinky guy at the FedEx facility yoinked mine. I coulda been looking at it under a microscope to find all sorts of stuff.

@TomCranberry I hope it’s boneless wings

The world does owe you something.

An ancient Chinese philosopher came into my apartment last night, cooked up around 3000 potstickers and left my kitchen an absolute disaster. Boomer boss didn’t believe me when I tried to call in, so now I have that to look forward to clean after work.

@Vortex77552 Well now ol Syd has to show them to set the record straight

@kummkopf Poo Guys 2: Numba Two

@dougferda Hell yeah

Nephew just explained for about an hour the lore of his make belief hero that must fight against the “poo guys”, quite literal shit nuggets that come out from the toilets to wreak havoc on the quaint metropolis. Not quite sure how to feel.

Walked in on a guy at work blasting rope into the urinals, when he spotted me he immediately sprinted after me with his bönar out squealing “please don’t tell, please don’t tell!!”

Going on a date with one of those women that have super high gums when they smile and getting sucked in by a sudden draft, never to be seen again.

Attack of the 50 foot Woman but it’s Jamie Lee Curtis with her huge bazookas out, slamming one straight into the ground creating a blast 10 megatons worth of TNT obliterating New York. I watch from my apartment as I’m blasted away by the stench of cleavage sweat

The Jamie Lee Curtits Psyop will go crazy in the history books. The mouse knows exactly the type of cheese that will subdue the masses (its breast milk cheese)

@ManletThorin Shordy could always go for another slice

This could be us

@realchadfile The rich aroma

@AlfonsoAgain Here’s hoping that they do something interesting with the story, seeing Walton goof around as a ghoul kept me pretty entertained the first season

Hard to describe how this all feels without seeming glib. Fallout is the great american game but everything thats happened to it in a over a decade is cheap meaningless drivel. Fallout 4 onward is just Metallica - 72 Seasons but in video game form. But it keeps selling!