banger maker

@zetapsibrudda @DougyWoody Making spam fried rice in plastic flip flops

@DougyWoody Probably lives in International Residence College

Brutally namemogging your entire school #touse

@rawdogmillionar @KingJerryIV @hard_boiledbabe Still not a catch 22

@KingJerryIV @hard_boiledbabe If he tells her she’s being annoying it’ll make her more annoying If he tells her she isn’t she’ll continue to be annoying

Tragic Catch 22: girl who was annoying everyone last night pulled me aside to ask if she was annoying everyone

@JoeJ_Clark @DuncanSmithNBA But your daddy said he didn’t like it. What now? Does your sheep brain melt as you don’t know which herd to follow?

@DuncanSmithNBA Not at all. I loved it and glad Kash was there to enjoy it. Unlike the joyless Left 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Damn ok so all the MAGA people who thought this was great have to reverse course

@M_Mal99 @ultras_antifaa So you’re against opposing fascism is it?

@ultras_antifaa Fuck off u sausage using United like that when we certainly ain't no left wing club

Manchester United Anti-fascists.

@ZachGregor @ImtiazMadmood Not to set up the joke

@ImtiazMadmood Brevity being the soul of wit, this post should have been a third of the length

A man goes to his vet and says: “Doctor, I have two horses. They look exactly the same. I can never tell which is which!”The vet thinks and says: “Easy. Cut the tail off one of them.” The man does it. It works great! He always knows which horse has no tail. But after a few months… the tail grows back. Same problem again. He goes back to the vet: “The tail grew back… do you have another idea?” Vet: “Okay, cut the mane off one horse.” The man cuts the mane. Works perfectly… for a while. Then the mane grows back too. He returns, a bit angry now: “Nothing works! The hair always grows back. What can I do?” The vet is surprised and says: “Wait… I don’t believe two horses can look that identical. Go measure their height (from ground to top of shoulder) and come tell me the numbers.” Next day, the man comes back, very happy: “I measured them! And there is a difference! The white horse is 1.58 meters… and the black horse is 1.72 meters!”

@forestdruiddyke @cfisonline New gen

@cfisonline incredibly valid response to being sent something by l*gic

@cloversorrel @TheCinesthetic You must have autism unironically her face is not expressing genuine mortification

@TheCinesthetic Why does Sabrina look so genuinely mortified like has she not seen a boob before

Sabrina Carpenter and Margaret Qualley at the GRAMMYs after-party. 📸

@subhumangoy @GamingEelektros @yewginger2334 @Mclovincmrade @ryanwhite04 @kurtos No you’ve moved the goal posts you said the “files” plural implying sustained contact which doesn’t appear to be true

@GamingEelektros @yewginger2334 @Mclovincmrade @ryanwhite04 @kurtos I never once said that, i literally just pointed out that she’s also in there

i genuinely cannot believe with all the vile things released in those files that MAGA is sticking with epstein being mamdani's father. like you just cannot get more out of touch than that.

@Pattress2021 @SMdiddy @Wm_Galloway Someone didn’t make it to the second physics lecture

@SMdiddy @Wm_Galloway You’re totally right… the rules of motion don’t exist…

Event staff PICKED UP THE BALL. It was rolling in!

@cheech_gratah @Vafudhr @ProfitMoneyBeat @ANC_Historian You’re Soviet?

@Vafudhr @ProfitMoneyBeat @ANC_Historian You’re also in the Eastern Hemisphere. You’re also living in a country that my country had to come and save from actual Nazis. So maybe sit this one out.

"It's the only U.S. state that touches 2 oceans," from a 2001 episode of Jeopardy. Guess.

@skscartoon If it’s legal why was he getting arrested?

I took no pleasure in Alex Pretti's death. However, there is no scenario in America where resisting arrest while being armed will end well. This tragedy was avoidable, and it's on Tim Walz.

@WOKEG3TA @ash_frr @AlphaAreus1 @iShowShitpost No

@ash_frr @AlphaAreus1 @iShowShitpost You’re joking right

@RedDevil_008 @FPLfrasier Didn’t receive the ball and wasn’t affecting a defender was he?

Where did the 5cm tolerance go? Or, is it only applicable for Liverpool?

@elleloveCHI @thamfgirlyfacee @Heccles94 @OakSmith2018 @elonmusk Why would we lighten up when gestapo is killing indiscriminately in the streets?

@thamfgirlyfacee @Heccles94 @OakSmith2018 @elonmusk It was a joke. And yes I did graduate from medical school... lighten the fuck up

She almost killed him

@KemonomichiNL @MikeBenzCyber This guy listens to acquired

@MikeBenzCyber 😂 If you think Coca Cola wins bc their formula is secret then you are NGMI Coke wins bc they have a goated distribution / logistics network where they can spend millions on ads, available globally but somehow keep their costs to like 30c a can & still be giga profitable

hoping for this guy’s life he’s wrong, this formula has historically been a more closely guarded secret than how to make nuclear weapons

@marcusquest @YoshkaMJ @Nexuist He ordered it at 10 am though?

@YoshkaMJ @Nexuist im guessing it was the only thing open at 2 AM that also had energy drinks

About two months ago I DoorDashed 2 Red Bulls from the SF Lowe’s that took longer to arrive than the invasion of Venezuela, capture of Maduro, and his subsequent military transport to Brooklyn MDC

@plainly_andy @DeathbyCeltics You either pay more than this person because you make more, in which case you can’t say they’re doing “fine” or because you are saving more, which is your decision.

@drainedballsjr @DeathbyCeltics No it's not, drained balls

This is a hilarious tweet because half the comments think he means “a nurse making $180k” lol

@plainly_andy @DeathbyCeltics This is a very dumb comment

@DeathbyCeltics Lol I take home only a bit over half my gross pay bc of taxes, insurance, and 401k withholding. I'd say this person is doing fine.

@Vinod_r108 @DudespostingWs AI piss filter slop

W for the driver recording keeping his cool. It’s one car goes another car goes. Everyone should know this

@saturn42227 @mfnrossiya @ChristineGR73 Maybe we need a government agency to prevent tautologies

@drainedballsjr @mfnrossiya @ChristineGR73 *more government agencies expelling criminal illegal alien invaders and their associated fraud networks

Now conservatives think that all daycares are fake and fradulent