hana | ia 📚📌

forced, the smile he gave him wasn't genuine, and the love was just not there. he should be the last person to talk about love, but at least he knows what it feels like when a person is falling out of it. dazai was never big on words of affirmation, but chuuya has changed that

Chuuya wouldn't mind dying of heartbreak at this very moment. As long as he can be with his only reason to live. Osamu, his osamu, died not knowing that chuuya loved him more than anything.

"we, i- i'll pay for the dinner, of course and please, i gotta tell you something" Why wasn't his osamu calming him down from his panic attack? He always did.

But nakahara chuuya doesn't dream.

nakahara chuuya saved him twice by being his first and last reason to live and dazai osamu lived his remaining life loving only one person that would never love him again.

from the last time they spoke. coming from the strong nakahara chuuya who had lost countless of people he loved dearly, should be more than enough reason to give up. but he wants chuuya more than anything. more than death itself. dazai refused to die in the hope that chuuya

"you never truly loved me do you? you don't know what love is." chuuya stared at him like he was a stranger. "and I'm tired of pretending that you do."