Elnathan John

Oh shit. The Financial Times talks about my book. I need to call my mummy. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

@Bellanwa 🤣🤣🤣

@elnathan_john More the like executive producer😊

When the main star greet the extras after shooting the film.

I was out recently, dancing by myself. I kept my jacket (one of my favourite ones) in the corner and while my back was turned, someone picked it up and left with it. I wanted to leave and realised it was gone. It had my house keys, my bank card and AirPods. I panicked at first, and told the bar tender. He told me he was sorry but there was nothing he could do and that he usually warns patrons to watch their stuff. I decided to track the AirPods and realised it was on the move. It was already 5am but I followed it until I got to a building in a nice neighbourhood not too far from mine. I was afraid of waking anyone up but I just rang all of the bells until someone, irritated, just buzzed me open. I went into the building but now the challenge was finding out which of dozen flats had my jacket. I started walking upstairs and then checked the tracker again and that was when I realised how accurate Find My on Apple is. As I went up, my phone kept telling me I was getting closer until the screen turned green and said I was within 3 meters of the AirPods, right at a door on the third floor. I knocked and a very young woman who appeared to just be waking up opened. I just told her outright: someone here took my jacket. She did not act surprised and just said, let me check. Either she knew it was taken or knows that someone in the flat is a thief. To avoid any denials, while the door was still open I made the AirPods beep from my phone and sure enough, we both heard the sound. I told her, those are my AirPods and I just want my stuff back. A young man, guilt all over his face joined her and they handed me the jacket complete with everything and quickly slammed the door shut. I was already too tired to make a scene or do anything, so I just left. On my way home, I saw the bartender and told him I got my stuff back and he was gobsmacked, but mostly impressed that I did not just find the building but the exact flat where my jacket was. He told me if I ever recognise them in the future, I should tell him and they would be permanently barred from coming into the establishment. Fun times.

Companies voluntarily operating in Europe, then discovering Europe has laws, remains one of the great recurring dramas of our time.

What a time we live in, that one of the only sensible world leaders now is the Catholic Pope and I find myself nodding along to the things he writes, problematic as the institution he represents (still) is.

There is a person who lives in my neighbourhood. We have run into each other at least once a week for four years. Never said hello. They sometimes smile from afar, but to themselves. We walk past each other in shops, supermarkets, parks, streets. Today they were in the same aisles where I was looking for deodorant, toothpaste, tea and right behind me paying for groceries. I have decided, the next time we meet, I will fully stop and say hello.

Someone from the drum circle brought their pet along.

My rule is simple. If thought of a shower comes to my head and I’m at home, I get in the shower. That thought is the closest thing to the voice of god.

A time was had.

Don't worry. A book is coming soon!

There are days when I miss being an editor and I particularly loved writing headlines. Whoever did this, I hope they took the rest of the day off.

“To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex. Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving.” —Marilyn Frye, The Politics of Reality

One thing I do now when I write a long piece, is search for the words "quiet" and "quietly", and delete them with such fierceness that my keyboard groans. Then I do a bit of soul searching, trying to find out when and why this crept into my writing. I swear I'm working on myself.

@winnie160416 🤣🤣🤣

@elnathan_john Seeing this after my comment on the first post.

Fixed it. Some fire. A knife. Done.

I love how this is the most acceptable form of laundering money, fiercely defended by cultured people.

@Msada52 🤣🤣🤣 Insha AI!

@elnathan_john I hope to read it in Granta😂

I am now editing a story now where two "AIs", used by two people on two different continents begin independently communicating with each other, partially about sentience, but mostly about love and desire. The entire 15,000 word story is AI meets AI (using/manipulating the humans). See you at the gallows, witch hunters.