Mr. Onederful®

The rest of the world is watching America like America watched Tiger King.

@kellysavannah 🔥

One thing about me imma buy some concert merch

Too dirty

She told me to talk dirty. So I told her I wanted to put her on my ball of Fame. She said that was too dirty. Women.

Women

I agreed to get my nipples pierced with someone. After she got hers done I backed out of the deal. That shit looked like it hurt. She was mad. Women.

Pause

What's the rule for Twitter crushes? So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

I’m not?

I call all women I like Miss Jackson because I am nasty.

Scary

I thought about calling the lady Ghostbusters but the thought of four angry women coming to my house is scarier than the ghost.

My AI girlfriend broke up with me because I asked her to validate her sources.

I understand the LGBTQ+ community. Just because you were born with balls doesn’t mean you have them. Respect. ✊🏾

I thought my AirPods were on and now everyone at the office knows that I’m on that good Kush and alcohol. 😭

Another beautiful morning.

I dread people asking me how I’m doing. Why do I need to be a fucking phony just like you just to survive a conversation? I’m doing great by the way.

@ghettoglass 😂

@ericonederful I mean the original was hetero flexible at best . . .

Woke Achilles is wild.

Unless that kid has two dads. That is an entirely different conversation we are not going to have right now.

You won’t see single fathers wishing themselves a Happy Mother’s Day.

The best woman lost to the worst guy. Twice! Women need to step their game up.

I’m not taking the new vaccine. I’m not wearing the new mask. If you come around me, you might die and that’s the way I like it.