Tess

Pickle jar openings are suspiciously sized to easily let a moderately sized woman raid them bared handed at close to 1 in the morning.

@rm_rm_rm_rm_rm Stealing "garbage bird website", thank you.

Nearly a third of my life on the Garbage Bird Website permanently and irreversibly altering my brain chemistry for the worse 🤙 #MyTwitterAnniversary

@rm_rm_rm_rm_rm @MetallicaMarli I got this(and a few others) too, I blocked the number this time around. But I'd much rather report them.

@MetallicaMarli I *really* want to know how they got my number

Unsolicited communication, no stop/unsubscribe option on either message or at the link. This is illegal political advertising, right? @AntonyGreenABC?

Does anyone else drunk call their mum about lasagne?

@meeum Sketch (+InVision) for the basics. Axure for the tricky stuff

Hi designer friends - what wireframing tools are you using? Asking for a friend.

Is there a coffee version of "chain smoking"? I need it to describe my life.

@VodafoneAU_Help How about if I ship it to a relative, who could then post it to me, would there be any issues with that?

@VodafoneAU Hi there, Im currently located in the Netherlands for the next few months, but wanted to switch my phone plan to Vodaphone. Can you ship your SIMs internationally?

Sushi-Training the pain away.

Technology always runs better when you make encouraging kissy noises at it.

The eternal question: Am I too drunk to go to the supermarket...?

Millions of years from now, an advanced civilisation will uncover my gif collection and worship me as a god.

I have a sudden and very specific urge to play Diablo II. I blame the germs on public transport.

My thumb won't unlock my phone because chocolate chip muffin.

I've started giving random cat photos I find on the internet names. #catlesscatlady

Three cats and you're a cat lady, right? But nobody ever called a guy a cat lord. #catlords

When you don't have time for dinner because you're too busy stalking Taylor Swift on Instagram. #firstworldproblems

Using a spoon to cut my Brie because there are no clean knives #justgirlthings

Tore a shoulder muscle & lost the ability to touch my head. Havent washed hair in more than a week. Someone just wrote ‘wash me’ in the dirt

Hamsters are just bunnies without reception.