John Fadule

College is unreal but the real world is 100 times better: -you move to a city with your existing boys and meet other 23 year-olds from Penn State/UT/Indiana etc. - any given night you could strike up an enchanted romance with your future wife -everyone is fired up the energy is electric -hot girls outnumber put-together dudes 2000 to 1 -you meet chill dudes just like you who love getting breakfast sandwiches Sunday morning then watching football/The Office -you have money to spend on concerts/dinners/banger nights out/Christmas presents for your younger brothers -you have more fun while getting less fucked up -once a week you think to yourself ‘wow I’m having SO much fun whoever said life is over after College is an idiot’ As long as you hit the gym and eat healthy 90% of the time the real world is amazing.

Breaking news: water is wet.

Life is amazing: -gyms exist -Coke Zero exists -hot girls outnumber even moderately put-together dudes 2000 to 1 -you and your wife can get hammered at a comedy show then smash all night without a condom -you and your friends can hit the gym then smoke a joint and grill cheeseburgers -iPhones have GPS and it tells you when there’s a cop so you can slow down and avoid a speeding ticket -you could be working 16 hour days in a coal mine in a third world country There are people who live in wheelchairs. There are kids born with disabilities. No Prom, no Shoulder Presses, no sleepovers with their best friends staying up til 2AM watching Interstellar. And you’re not SMASHING the gym like a GRATEFUL SAVAGE!? Eating healthy 90% of the time, calling your friends for no reason, booking the trip, CRUSHING IT at work, ASKING for the raise!? Asking out your crush making her your girlfriend then your wife!? You’re spinning on a sphere in an infinite universe and the fact you’re alive is a 1 in 500 trillion miracle - you’re so lucky it’s absurd and you have nothing to lose :)

The older you get the more you realize: -The Office was amazing -complaining is unattractive -nothing feels better than feeling healthy -watching good movies is not a waste of time -if you’re having a bad day go to the gym -don’t hookup with a woman you wouldn’t be pumped to show off to your friends (because she’s so hot and emotionally mature it makes them want a girlfriend) -ask for the promotion -call your friends for no reason -anxiety isn’t real -you’re spinning on a sphere in an infinite universe and the fact you’re alive is a 1 in 500 trillion miracle - you’re so lucky it’s absurd and you have nothing to lose :)

Married couple date ideas: -road trip to a beach town where you don’t know anyone for a weekend -sit at a cafe people-watching deciding what you think each person does at night -get 40% too drunk at a comedy show then smash all night without a condom (lasting 975% longer than you would sober) -smoke a joint in the movie theater parking lot then see the scariest movie available (have to stay for at least 1 hour) -hit the gym together Saturday morning then smash in the kitchen moderately sweaty -overpay for good concert tickets to a performer you both enjoy and look around the crowd together during the most well-known song (example: Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse) and realize ‘wow life is a miracle how lucky are we to have someone to share it with’

Christoper Nolan movies ranked: Tier 3 - you don’t need to watch these more than once 9. Dunkirk 8. Memento 7. Batman Begins 6. Oppenheimer Tier 2 - these are amazing on TV especially December 26th-30th 5. Dark Knight Rises 4. The Prestige Tier 1 - you should watch these every year the rest of your life 3. Inception 2. The Dark Knight 1. Interstellar

Baker Mayfield: -Heisman Trophy winner -#1 pick in NFL Draft -walked on to Texas Tech and became starting quarterback as a True Freshman -transferred to Oklahoma and beat out Trevor Knight when everyone told him he was crazy -won a playoff game with the Cleveland Browns -hottest wife in the NFL -2-time Pro Bowler -definitely spends 30 extra minutes with special needs kids at the hospital -definitely holds the door for elderly women -definitely drinks 15+ beers and has way too good of a time at a dive bar Baker Mayfield is the Michael Phelps of Johnny Manziels. If you’re not a fan of Baker Mayfield you’re not a fan of life.

Conor McGregor the past 5 years: -doing blow -assaulting women -punching elderly people -patty-cake training sessions on a yacht Holloway the past 5 years: -training like a savage fighting the baddest dudes on the planet

He looks like Dave Portnoy.

Dating in 2016: Guy: You’re hot Girl: Amazing so are you Guy: What do you think about at 3AM Girl: That we’re spinning on a sphere in an infinite universe Guy: And the fact we’re alive is a 1 in 500 trillion miracle Girl: Yes wow you think about this too Guy: Let’s makeout Girl: Yes Dating in 2026: Hinge conversations going nowhere

Why was Anne Hathaway not Helen of Troy? Or Alexandra Daddario. Lol it’s like having having Ed Norton play Kobe Bryant.

Top 10 feelings: -fresh bed sheets -lifting weights in the Sun -sending a text in your groupchat and getting 6 HAHA reacts -blasting music and singing alone in your car -14 beers with your boys then banging a woman with a good body -reading a book on a screened-in porch while it’s raining -Coke Zero at 2PM -waking up sober on a Saturday -having a sleepover with a girl you’ve had a crush on for 18 months -hearing Over My Head by The Fray for the first time in a while -recognizing a moment while you’re in it -being at a concert looking around the crowd realizing ‘wow life is a miracle I’m so lucky to be alive’

Nobody will remember: -your salary -what car you drove -how many likes you got on Instagram People will remember: -how hot the girl was you brought to their wedding -how generous you were with your cigarettes at parties -how kind you were to their cousin who has autism -the time you dropped everything to rescue them at 2AM -the time you bought them a concert ticket when they were struggling financially -the time you sacrificed your night so they could wheel their crush (they didn’t end up wheeling her it was sad/catastrophic) -the time they told you they’d been addicted to sleeping pills for 18 months expecting you to judge them but you just listened and gave them a hug

All you need to be happy as a man: -the gym -2-3 friends -a woman with a good body -1 chill coworker -HBO Max (True Detective and The Dark Knight) -your friend’s dad to give you a hug at Thanksgiving and tell you he’s proud of you -sending one text per month in your groupchat that gets 6 HAHA reacts

High testosterone behaviors: -lifting weights -deleting Tinder -putting a plate of food together for an elderly person at a party -leaving a 100% tip for a waitress who is the single mother of a child with special needs -letting a girl use the guys’ bathroom at a crowded bar/baseball game -calling your friends for no reason -buying your girlfriend surprise gifts -buying things for your friends without keeping tabs/who owes what -taking random moments throughout your week to appreciate you’re spinning on a sphere in an infinite universe and the fact you’re alive is a 1 in 500 trillion miracle - you’re so lucky it’s absurd and you have nothing to lose :)

If you put DK Metcalf in a World Cup game by the 75th minute he would score a goal. If you put Ronaldo in an NFL Training Camp a corn-fed white boy would plant his facemask into his ribcage and he would quit on the spot and become an Abercrombie model.

Division 2 cornerbacks are more athletic than anyone involved in the World Cup. If Russell Westbrook had 6 months of practice he’d be the greatest Soccer player to ever live.

How to lower anxiety 916% -lift weights -go for walks -delete Hinge -avoid complainers -eat healthy 90% of the time -don’t get drunk or high with people who aren’t doing well in life -stop doomscrolling late at night - use that time to watch Batman or Interstellar (whatever movies fire you up to be amazing at life the next day) -find any excuse to invite friends over and order pizza (Oscars/World Cup) it’s not about what’s on the TV it’s about the banter/belly laughs -realize there’s nothing more important than your health (don’t just tell yourself the words like it’s a mindless fact in Social Studies class - actually download the belief) -realize you’re spinning on a sphere in an infinite universe and the fact you’re alive is a 1 in 500 trillion miracle - you’re so lucky it’s absurd and you have nothing to lose :)

Things you shouldn’t care about: -Love Island -Euphoria -celebrity drama (you don’t need to know who Kim Kardashian is dating this week you need to know what hours your gym is open) Things you should care about: -being jacked -eating healthy -crushing it at work so you can treat your friends to steak dinners -buying your wife dumb gifts that don’t make sense but make her happy -keeping things fresh so you smash like it’s the hooking up phase -couples dinners 2-3 times a month belly laughing until 1AM hugging goodnight thinking ‘I’m so glad we did this’ -prioritizing your health so your default mood is amazing -getting randomly hammered with your wife once a month at a comedy show then smashing all night without a condom (lasting 975% longer) -crushing it in the gym and in your career so when you see a picture of yourself as a toddler you realize the person you are now is someone that kid would think was awesome :)

Meeting a woman in person is like a smoking a cigar on vacation. Meeting a woman on Hinge is like vaping in a public bathroom.