feelinglawrence

相信一个屁—— 却背叛成了一坨屎， 后悔已太迟。

“Jesus Christ on a crutch, this is the last thing I need,” my dad says as I tell him about the tick bite that can make you allergic to red meat and dairy.

My Moroccan tea guy called me habibi as I sipped my salep

It’s me Peyton Pritchard! I was the one behind the 9/11 terrorist attacks, I also made frequent trips to little st James (Epstein island). My moral compass took over and I thought it was finally time to come clean. P.S. ICE - I am an illegal immigrant! Come get me! NOW!

Fit at my nephews bris. Rabbi said ‘nice hat’ I said thank you sir #keepitcircumcisednotcircumstantial

@schwampnuts @_JoeDawson_ @JESS_kiidding @autismtouchdown

@_JoeDawson_ @feelingbeer @JESS_kiidding @autismtouchdown Did you pray today?

If all of you Venmoed me $1 I could have $3,000. Idk I think it’s a good idea

@_JoeDawson_ @JESS_kiidding @autismtouchdown Did I… wipe my ass after shitting? No I did not. They call me the stench gremlin. I carry a noxious aura, a personal force field of odor so potent that no one dares linger in my presence for long. Now that being said… do you really want to throw down with THE Stench Gremlin?

@feelingbeer @JESS_kiidding @autismtouchdown Did I... say that?

@_JoeDawson_ @JESS_kiidding @autismtouchdown She’s not gonna let you hit lil bro

@feelingbeer @JESS_kiidding @autismtouchdown Have you ever spoken before, let alone to a woman

@JESS_kiidding @autismtouchdown If I had it my way you'd be wrapped up in a blanket sniffing farts right now

@autismtouchdown No

@schwampnuts Twin???

@feelingbeer You’d think after last night you’d be loosened up.

When would this ever be cool??

BREAKING: Joel Embiid to miss the remainder of the playoffs due to recent circumcision, “Load management has officially gone too far,” says the Philadelphia 76ers medical staff.

@schwampnuts Speak about me or my father again and you’ll feel the wrath of Lawrence

The only person that cares about this is @feelingbeer s dad

@schwampnuts Don’t bring up my failures

@feelingbeer Take a second look at this please #reevaluate

@autismtouchdown Would you rather have 8 finger sized toes and the big toes are normal or 6 toe sized fingers but you got to choose which fingers turned into toes

making green poops for st paddy

@autismtouchdown How do you know

down’s syndrome is sexually transmitted

Make it so windy he looks retarded walking to class

I’ve seriously considered braiding my asshole hair recently

@schwampnuts Glaze me harder

@feelingbeer I’ll glaze you in public! Drop your coordinates and I’ll be there swiftly to commence glazing in a public lobby

Is headphones over the hoodie an acceptable practice?

@schwampnuts I play w my balls every day

@feelingbeer You play tennis?

Just dropped the stinkiest chocolate soft serve of my career