Ernie, Evil Devourer of Galaxies

The early worm gets me

I realized I’m getting fatter cause someone made a fat joke to me and then apologized after

Turns out there is no secret Burger King menu item called “all the money in the register”

My urologist has elite balls knowledge

I stopped watching porn because it didn’t include enough types of family members

Your honor, I paused my game to be here

I want to be the biggest fish

Send me photos of your face bro I’m tryna stroke my heart

Republicans will oppose abortion while supporting the bombing of babies in foreign countries

I drank so much water my piss clear, call that 1080pee

Yes bro I know where the clitoris is, what do you think I pee out of 😭

She’s deadass looking for Young Sheldon

When I was a kid my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I was older and I said “sea turtle” that’s how I found out what jobs were

Coca-Cola is really BLACK bro why are we drinking this

Millennials be like: “I was going to end it all, until I discovered this gamified task planner”

Turkey should start doing plastic surgery giveaways

When her mom asks what you do for work so you have to explain what a mother father gentleman is

Explain it to me like I’m young Sheldon

Team Snapchat keeps sending me nudes

walking around thirsty asf cause all the kids who used to sell lemonade are busy getting groomed on Roblox