Christopher Flagg

business idea: salsa jars with wider mouths

"sorry guys, she doesn't like the person I am around you." "whatever. let'ssssss go."

Saint Patrick was probably cool with the snakes in Ireland but then his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum.

has anyone informed the Philadelphia cricket club that it's not in Philadelphia?

big miss from @Fritolay by not doing a they not like utz commercial.

there's more than one way to skin a cat? ok well that's cool but I just need the easiest way.

sometimes I google shit like chess for 10 minutes just to make my ads less pathetic

I mean I didn't, but did anyone hear can't you see by Marshall Tucker Band and think the lyrics were "one eyed woman been doing to me"

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty! Shopkeeper's not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! #Futurama

fun fact about spaghettios: you don't even have to heat it up.

That's definitely a 10/10

@marebear_pig more like a stitchuationship

@marebear_pig who's the lucky guy

@alexwittchen kookoo for kornacki

upset I didn't come up with the idea for a pink jabroni club costume earlier.

has anyone used the term mingling my ding-a-ling before?

@cboehnke @flaggerflix thank goodness, I've been looking for half a petabyte

@flaggerflix "Yes! You can finally buy 26TB hard disk drives, two years after launch, but only in packs of 20 ..." techradar.com/pro/yes-you-ca…

Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on. #Futurama

@marebear_pig so you don't support trans people?