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Lost my job as an Old West saloon piano player when a mysterious stranger walked in the door and I just kept playing
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Andrew Fowler
2.6K posts
Andrew Fowler
@fowlerism
silly billy
Earth's OUTER core Katılım Mart 2009
582 Takip Edilen3.2K Takipçiler
@PleaseBeGneiss Clearly you put the fake news into one of those hilarious novelty dribble cups
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@100YearsAgoNews Wow I never realized how much Coolidge looked like George W Bush
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Nov. 5, 1924: President and Mrs. Coolidge appear outside the White House to acknowledge the cheers of well-wishers a day after he won election in a landslide. Pet dog Rob Roy can be partly seen at left.
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@desusnice I was shocked to learn recently that somebody reverse engineered the code of Mario 3 and (this is real) the third row in this game is pure chance, no skill can help you.
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Andrew Fowler retweetledi
[Me as a cop]
Partner: Dude you gotta work on your catchphrase
Me: *slamming criminal's head on car hood* UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS
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Andrew Fowler retweetledi
Phish is going to come out and do a 45 minute Tweezer straight into First Tube
Ford News@FordJohnathan5
🚨 #BREAKINGNEWS There is a scheduled gap in tonight's DNC schedule that the special guest is only known by a handful of people. 🚨
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@kibblesmith I did a short thread on this once
x.com/fowlerism/stat…
Andrew Fowler@fowlerism
My favorite year is 1988 because for eight months Lizzo and Salvador Dali were alive at the same time
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@PleaseBeGneiss Actually, the more I think about it -- trolling us all by shifting his voice from "overconfident insane unhinged crackpot" to "hack trying unsuccessfully to capture the voice of dril" would be a brilliant long con worthy of dril
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@PleaseBeGneiss Maybe it's a Dread Pirate Roberts kind of deal
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Andrew Fowler retweetledi
Okay so in this joke it's an episode of Antiques Roadshow but it's the 18th century and the guy is like "you just bought this"
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@TweetPotato314 A man in the Kentucky wilderness is always in the last place you look
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Andrew Fowler retweetledi
A 31 year old Joe Biden just woke up from a long nap on the Amtrak. All he remembers from the dream is a white rectangle that could hold a thousand songs
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@PhilJamesson This is like Homer blowing his nose with Flanders's NF monogrammed handkerchief
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was reminded on stream today of the time someone stole this tweet and left "my name is phil jamesson" at the end
@philjamesson.com on bsky@PhilJamesson
Officer: do you know why I pulled you over Me: no sir My Parrot: hell yea I love driving 86 mph without a seatbelt! my name is phil jamesson
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Name something more aggravating than a slow remote desktop connection. I'll wait.
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Andrew Fowler retweetledi
Hey girl, are you a bicycle? Cause I've been diagnosed with visual agnosia
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