FUNNY TEXTS

I'm one of the nicest assholes you could ever hope to meet.

Mum: Why is your room always so messy? Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, they’ll trip over something and die.

Those "screw everything, I hate everyone" days.

If my best friend hates you then I automatically hate you.

The leading cause of death for Albanian men ages 18-35 is Liam Neeson

Find someone who can change your life and not just your relationship status.

Wish school started at like... never.

Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.

I hate when people text me hours later trying to continue the conversation... bitch the feeling is gone.

Best joke ever: My love life.

The best memories come from bad ideas.

I wonder if teachers play the “who’s a virgin” game in their heads in class.

I just received one of those chain emails! Apparently if i don't send it to 10 people a girl will appear in my closet.. guess who's getting laid tonight!

My attitude is based on how YOU treat me

When a girl says "Do whatever you want" Do NOT do whatever you want.

*looks in mirror* oh, that's why people don't like me

I miss having you to talk to whenever i wanted.

There's always that one person who catches you doing something weird.

I'd kick you in the vagina but I don't wanna lose my shoe...

One mistake and everyone judges you.