Greg Johnson

*sigh* 😔

Why is my dog this way

@jappleby Appreciate that, man! Nice reminder about what the numbers we’re chasing mean in the first place

@g_regj not a vanity metric—proof you're beloved. Congrats!

I know stuff like this gets chalked up to vanity metrics, but I need to brag about my team for a minute because quantifying something like 100 Million likes was not even CLOSE to something I could picture when we launched the account 3 years ago.

Happy @KeshaRose day to all who celebrate #GagOrder

The idea of recreational running is so foreign to me that when I see someone running on the side of the road my first instinct is to ask myself what they’re running from & come up with said narrative

@MythicalChef I get it. Katrina demands I do the same thing before every single meeting

@pinchyturtle Specifically on your bed

@g_regj Road kill pets in this house?

Help my cat sleeps like roadkill

I can HEAR this ‘Wee-hee!’

Starstruck

@trevorevarts RIP in peace

she fired me

@NHendizadeh Nicole are TRYING to start an in-office war, bc it’s working

you know whats bullshit? a pizookie

same tired parent/no thought child energy

I hate it here.

Work in social media, they said. IT’LL BE FUN, THEY SAID! #RIPTwitter

Accurate depiction of my dog not understanding why dinner is ‘late’ for the next week or so

Mood.

It’s called compromise.

Idk how we arrived at this moment