Nesha

I miss Papi.

@Hey_Aivetra All

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Capek banget, pengen tukeran aja rasanya, keknya idup lau nyantai bener dah enak.

Sakit kepala.

Bulan 10? Biasanya tiap bulan ada aja kelakuan belio. Oktober mental breakdance, waktu habis untuk mencerna apa yang terjadi. 😂 Nonetheless, sorry not sorry, nothing has changed. When shit just stink that bad, ya nose have got to keep sniffing until you get used to it. Congrats.

Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Don’t post your problems on Twitter. Wear this. Don’t be friends with them. Don’t go if it’s just the two of you. Don’t lie. Don’t go. Don’t come home late. Boo. All failed. Yea, bro’s really trying hard. Trying so hard not to rebuild the trust. 🫱🏼‍🫲🏽

While I break my own heart. I’m tired of not being able to speak up, because I’ve learned more about Islam, and I trust them when they tell me to be patient. But I want to scream. I want to die.

I’m tired of feeling dumb. I’m tired of defending people who don’t even know what the hell they’re doing. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of seeing my parents being fooled. I’m tired of people breaking their promises. I’m tired of keeping other people’s feelings safe.

I’m tired of feeling this hurt. I’m tired of losing my hair. I’m tired of not being able to sleep. I’m tired of questioning whether I deserve this or not. I’m tired of wondering if I feel loved or not. I’m tired of not being able to feel what people my age feel.

Don’t reply when you’re angry. Don’t make decisions when you’re sad—you’ll regret it. Don’t let your ego control you, or you’ll lose everything you love. Just cry, even if it doesn’t solve anything. Cry. Let the pain out.

Yep. I want to vomit too.

I don’t want to be lied to again. I’ve given so many chances, and they’ve always been taken for granted. I feel like all my sacrifices have been for nothing.

I didn’t think I’d be back to writing this fast.

And if we really want to do good, we have to make sacrifices. We’ll have to give up time, energy, thoughts, money, and maybe even deal with feelings of embarrassment, laziness, difficulty, and discomfort. Yes, it’s tiring. I could also complain about being tired, but I‘m not.

Don’t expect people to change. Expect them to respect you as a whole person and appreciate themselves. When they do, they will listen to you and make good choices for themselves. Life is hard, and it has never been easy. Climbing a great mountain can take weeks or even months.

Mom said people have different ways of living. Everyone’s experiences & backgrounds shape their actions. It’s a reminder to manage my expectations, accept the diversity in how people live and behave, or I’ll just end up exhausted by the differences and anomalies that disturb me.

Mereka bilang, mereka selama ini sudah mencoba. Bagus. Sama dengan saya. Saya sudah mencoba hidup sesuai ekspektasi kalian semua. Kalau tidak sesuai, kalian kecewa?

Sakitmu sudah seminggu lebih, rusukmu lengkap, badanmu tidak ada lebam, tidak ada juga yang sobek. Kamu bisa lah, semua sendiri. Ayo. Katanya perempuan mandiri. Kamu nggak butuh mereka semua.

Selamat pagi, orang-orang yang sudah mulai lelah dan kehabisan akal.