Glen Lora

All clear. Those red spots were just inflammation. She doesn't want to see me for 6 months. I cried with relief.

@sme8491 @AvaSantina @laurakyrkesmith @JimBethell Was he the old guy saying being rich equals corruption?

#BBCPoliticsLive. Occasionally you hear words that you would want to say if you were fortunate enough to appear on T.V. Thank you Brian Eno for articulating the language of fair financial contributions. @AvaSantina @laurakyrkesmith @JimBethell

There's a few gone in before me. You can tell how good or bad the news is by the length of time the person spends with the consultant

In the consultant's waiting room awaiting biopsy results. My stomach is churning. Mentally, an uneasy mixture of positive affirmations and preparing myself for worst case scenarios.

I'm increasingly relying on Dr Grok - not sure how wise that is. I noticed some tiny bits of bloody tissue in my urine on day 9 after the biopsy - Grok reckons it's fine as long as it doesn't get worse, but it always say stuff like that.

The only bit that wasn't unpleasant about today was the few seconds as you go under. Back home now. Sore dick and burny peeing

Now in recovery mode. Woke up with the hateful tubes in. They say they'll remove them in about an hour when the fluid goes 'rosé'. Looks clear now to me.

Other side of the room though. For operations..

Here I am again.

One way or another, this cancer has put paid to my alcohol .. I won't say addiction, but 'habit'. I still enjoy it but the price is too high

The procedure is 8.30am tomorrow, not today. Supposedly there'll be no overnight stay but you have to expect the unexpected in this game. So my bag contains everything I might need for an overnight, including a shed full of tramadol/diazepam.

grok helped me with an affirmation - "My bladder is perfectly healthy. The tiny spots are harmless inflammation—nothing more. My cells are calm and cancer-free. The biopsy confirms I'm completely clear, better than expected. I look back on this and smile."

What I should be worrying about is the outcome of the biopsy. I need to begin Scott Adams style positive affirmations

Beginning to think about Thursday. The op itself won't be a problem because of general anaesthetic. It's what tube arrangements I'll wake up to I'm worrying about.

Second, some very old friends who I haven't seen for ages appeared and wanted us to go for a drive in a small saloon which was really cramped. I felt claustrophobic and declined. So they went off, with my sole pair of glasses I realised. Woke up in a panic

Two anxiety dreams last night. First, I was on a narrow ledge trying to attach an awkward wooden structure to the masonry with power tools. Woke up in a sweat

@afneil @YouTube Oh no, not business! Better keep the slaughter going then

Andrew Neil: Trump's true motivation for Ukrainian peace is business in ... youtu.be/k6IYQ7V7YR4?si… via @YouTube

The biopsy is scheduled for 9th January. Currently waiting to see the anaesthetist. It's bringing back memories of those 4 operations. That was hellish, if I'm honest.

This is the urology dept waiting room. We let on to each other but there's never any conversation. We're all too full of fear about what's about to happen. The deeply intrusive procedure. And the results.

The cysto was not ideal but disastrous either. She spotted a couple of tiny 'polyps' she's not sure about and wants to biopsy them to check. This will be in January or February and won't require an overnight stay, so not major op. Would have been nice to get an all clear.